Deep(ly Odd) Thoughts

So I was watching From Dusk ’til Dawn recently and was surprised to see that the staked vampires in the movie stayed dead even when their stakes were removed. Having been raised on movies where removing a stake meant a vampire would rise again, I was initially against the idea, but further consideration had me rethinking my position. Think about it, if rupturing the heart of a vampire killed it, then it wouldn’t matter if the stake was removed or not. On the other hand, if the material the stake is made of is what kills the vampire, then removing it could potentially let a vampire “live” again. After all, a vampire theoretically wouldn’t need organs to function and something that would permanently kill a human being might not work the same way for them. There’s also the issue of how, in the original folklore, driving a stake through a vampire’s chest only pinned them in their coffins so they couldn’t escape. Do we factor that in and make the whole argument moot or do we ignore it like most depictions of vampires in popular culture?

This actually reminds me of a conversation Strange Jason and I once had. For some reason, he had started thinking about vampires having a divorce and how the process would work. The big question on his mind was whether or not alimony and/or child support have to be paid for all eternity, while I wondered if being undead would create any loopholes. If a couple is married “’til death do [them]” part, does it mean the marriage is invalid if both parties are undead?

Speaking of bizarre monster-related conversations I’ve had, one of my cousins came up with an interesting series of questions about zombies: Do they simply eat until their stomachs rupture or are they able to somehow digest the flesh they consume. If they do digest their “food,” then would they poop? If they do, would they just soil themselves or would they have a basic memory about things like using a toilet or going behind a bush?

Come to think of it, would vampires have to urinate after they’ve digested blood (assuming that’s what they do with it) or would they have really bad diarrhea?

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