Strange Trip: Friday the 13th – Part 3 (IN 3D!!)

Friday the 13th: Part III

Original Release: August 13, 1982

 

Pre-game Strangeness: Stick in 1.25 and get back 21.72. Multiply that equation by a million and we have the reason for PART III’s existence. can’t blame them, really. It was a movie that didn’t central around a specific actor, so no star could hold out for more money. The set is disposable and so are the teens. The only memorable face for the first two movies is Betsy Palmer.

Part II was a bit harder to handle because I think that Steve Miner, taking over for Chris Cunningham, tried too hard to follow in Cunningham’s footsteps. Part I, now that I’ve had a while to get some distance from it, was nicely shot (albiet, slow for my sugar-soda-rattled brain.) Part II was excissive, with so much cast, drama and attempts to be everything at once. Bad jokes. Good gore. Nudity. You would think I’d be all for piling it on but restraint came be a virtue.

Not like that’s going to really come into play here. Part III means “3 as in 3D.” Remember to practice excessiveness in equal parts – for every bit that this movie gets dumb, take a drink. It’s like a game, where nobody wins.

With that said, let’s get this trip started.

00:00:00 – Start

00:00:02 – The majestic Paramount, not to be confused with the majestic Parakeet.

00:00:06 – A Gulf-Western Company. Two places currently full of oil.

00:00:15 – ‘Paramount Pictures Present’ Positive Punks Pricing Pickled Pears.

00:00:20 – A Jason Inc./Frank Mancuso Jr. Production. Jason Inc.? Nice to know he went bus

00:00:26 – Part 3 – The Return of Steve Miner!

00:00:32 – Woah, woah -HEY! Wait. Pause.

Okay, I’ve done this before with Part 2. ‘Show the last five to ten minutes of the previous movie for those who have no idea what’s going on.’ Yeah, we have to keep in mind that there was no Internet, SMSing or newspapers so it was impossible to figure out what happened in a movie that came out just a year before. So this padding of the first five minutes is not so much necessary but ESSENTIAL to maintaining the plot and premise that this rich, layered movie.

So I’ve loaded up Part 2 at the same point in the movie as we’ve started here in Part 3 to see if it’s a direct transfer. Plus, it saves me you from the same jokes I made in the last Strange Trip.

Alright. Let’s roll.

Part 3 seems to be remastered to show off the lighting, like they inserted an orange moon


Double Mamma V!


Kind of gives the old Drive In feel with the audio.


Maybe if she didn’t go at it like Star-Wars Kid, she’d get the job done.


Stereo Pauls. Ugh.


I should do this more often. This makes it more enjoyable, sort of a sensory overload.


Double Slow-mo!


I still think Jason dies like a fool. You can hear the ‘Duh-OIII’ sound effect that his comically rolled eye and stiff slumping-over invokes.

00:05:16 – Alllllll right. Enough of that. About this time, the movies differ. We can finally bid Part 2 adieu and get on with Part 3.

00:05:30 – Jason discards the machete, crawling away powered strictly only by rage and the desire to get the new Devo album.

00:05:44 – Speaking of which, we get a synth poppy intro song with the credits COMING OUT OF THE SCREEN because what research I did prior told me that this movie was in 3D! Thank god we got over that hackey gimmick.

00:06:00 – We got credits and people POPPING out of the screen and I can’t be bothered. Jeffrey Rogers? Tracie Savage? I’ll get to you at the end of the film.

00:06:10 – It’s like every twenty-five years, we have to put on 3D glasses and try this nonsense again.

00:06:18 – Richard Brooker plays our boy this time around.

00:06:28 – Harry Manfredini! You’re still here? Damn, son. I’m glad you keep surviving.

00:06:33 – Martin Jay Sadoff, the 3D supervisor. He’s the guy who says ‘KEEP AIMING SHIT AT THE CAMERA.’

00:06:44 – I could just get some red and blue colored bottles and place them above my eye but I don’t think it would do the trick. I might do it anyway during the dull moments, but this movie already seems hip deep into the 80’s. Hyperactive cocaine use to follow, right?

00:07:01 – Martin Kitrosser and Carol Watson are behind all that I’m about to watch. Should I die during this viewing, they are to blame. Avenge my death!

00:07:20 – A storm, a convenience store. This is what Clerks originally started out as, a horror movie in New Jersey.

00:07:40 – Man, Harold knocks over a stick and Edna lays into him.

00:08:05IT’S IN 3D! Harold shoves his pole towards the camera. The audience gasps!

00:08:17 – “Jerk,” she says, ignoring the fact that thirty seconds in and she’s done nothing but bitched out a guy who looks like a retired Mario brother.

00:08:25 – Newscaster eight corpses. Mark, Vicki, Scott, Terry, Jeff, Sandra, Ralph (booo!) and either Paul or the Cop, depending on which continuity theory you subscribe to.

00:08:47 – IT’S IN 3D! Edna moves the rabbit ears towards the audience.

00:08:59 – “axe wielding killer.” Last time I recalled, Jason used everything BUT an axe, so far.

00:09:10 – Um, some tall, strange looking guy is stalking your clothesline and she seems pretty okay with that.

00:09:20 – Nice to see Jason ditch the overalls and flannel for a Dickies shirt and a pair of work slacks.

00:09:55 – Despite her being rotten, I have to give her props for hanging her clothes. Think Green.

00:09:28 – ‘Look Out For The Locomotive’ says a sign in the background. Good advice, I suppose.

00:10:00 – Harold feeds Lionel and Richie, his fish. Before eating the food himself.

00:11:04 – Harold is friend to all animals.

00:11:20 – But he is no friend for sanitation laws. Sneaking peanuts, I can understand but the swig from the Sunny D before replacing it? Disgusting, Harold. Disgusting.

00:11:57 – Scolded, Harold seeks comfort in his bunny.

00:12:23 – “Whatcha so nervous about?” asks Harold. Like rabbits are known for being totally laid back and chill.

00:12:34 – Harold comes across a Hutch of what I originally though were dead chickens but thanks to Fridaythe13thfilms.com, who has the script for this movie, I learned these were dead rabbits.

00:12:33 – IT’S IN 3D! SNAKE ATTACK (or LOVE ME LIKE A REPTILE!)

00:12:34 – I like how the snake hovers in front of Harold’s face a half a second before he turns around and flees.

00:12:50 – Unconcerned as to why her husband is running in a panic, Edna searches for her lost knitting needle.

00:13:03 – Gross, movie.

00:13:10 – Ah, don’t be sad, Harold, I don’t like the slithering buggers either. Though, I don’t understand why or how a snake would vivisect a few Rabbits like that (and we’ve established that Jason is friend to all animals that don’t fuck with him.)

00:13:31 – Harold stands up and misses out on his chance to die like Elvis – fat and sitting on his throne.

00:14:41 – Got to say, the cleaver to the chest looked good. And it raises a question as to why Jason just did it. Along with Ralph, I can’t really see why Harold had to die. Sure, he’s filthy but c’mon. This is Jersey.

00:14:50 – Here, Edna looks far too young to 1) be called Edna 2) be married to Harold, unless our boy Harry likes ’em young. Or maybe Edna goes for older men. It’s nice to see love bloom…in New Jersey.

00:15:39 – IT’S IN 3D! Rat goes a walkin’.

00:15:44 – And Jason finds Edna’s lost knitting needle, kindly returning it to her by jabbing it into the base of her skull.

00:15:47 – Hey, Movie. What did Mike Nesmeth’s mom invent? WHITE OUT!

00:15:50 – IT’S IN 3D! Some kid holds a baseball bat towards the camera in such an awkward way, I think he doesn’t know what the damn thing is.

00:15:55 – A van full of Corpses Teenager!

00:16:05 – “It’s the white house on the left.” Not the last house, for that’s a whole different movie.

00:16:15 – Twenty seconds since appearing on screen and we already meet this movie’s horndog couple.

00:16:20 – “What would a weekend be in the country without sex?” he asks. If you grew up where I did, it was EVERY weekend, bud.

00:16:30 – Heavy Handed Horror Handbook: If you see it coming, it’s not a threat. All horror must come out of nowhere to get the most appropriate startle factor! Take note – if you see a guy with a mask slowly approaching, holding a knife menacingly, it’s likely to be the best friend playing a practical joke. Bonus: have a similar scene later in the movie where the friend accuses the would-be-prankster of pulling “another one of [his] stupid tricks,” saying “it’s not funny anymore!”

00:16:40 – “I’m not an asshole, I’m an actor.” Oooooh, I don’t think you’re even that, son.

00:17:00 – Oh, Shelly. Real character and beauty comes from your inside, which I’m sure you’re going to get to know up close and personal in about half an hour.

00:17:05 – Shelly grew up to be an Entertainment Lawyer. That’s not a joke. It’s true.

00:17:12DOES ANYONE HERE REMEMBER VERA LYNN!

00:17:31 – “Which one’s my date?” Her hopes are RAISED…

00:17:34 – …and VIOLENTLY CRUSHED TO DEATH.

00:17:44 – “The van’s on fire!” Oh god, it’s going to be a stoner joke, isn’t it?

00:17:50 – I WAS RIGHT goddamnit.

00:18:08 – When Shelly condemns his stoner friends, asking “is that all you’re going to do this weekend, smoke dope?” I think it’s a condemnation of the 80’s youth to their hippie parents. With the rise of suburban youth, of preppies and yuppies, the eighties were a time to denounce the Peace-Love-Dope lives of the Hippies that would grow up to be middle class.

00:18:24 – She’s pregnant?

00:18:30 – Andy asks “share with the less fortunate up front” and everyone gets stoned, blowing my ‘Anti-hippie’ theory straight to hell.

00:18:34 – IT’S IN 3D! Have a toke, audience.

00:18:36 – “Yeaaah.” Andy looks creepy as he receives the spliff, like it’s Golem to the Precious. Considering how much weed was smoked during those movies when I watched them, it’s not that far off of a comparison.

00:18:37 – I didn’t smoke weed when I saw those movies. I didn’t need to. They put me to sleep well enough by themselves.

00:18:38 – No, they didn’t (yes, they did.)

00:18:40 – “My whole world.” These days, it would be a laptop full of fansubbed anime, every MC Chris album and an active World of Warcraft account.

00:18:51 – Cops show up and what follows is why the words ‘be cool’ were invented for stoners. Everyone starts swallowing the drugs at the sudden appearance of two cop cars.

00:19:26 – What did you think of that joke, Movie? I thought so.

00:19:42 – Erik Estrada and Eddie Murphy are called to the scene to escort the bodies of Edna and Harold into the ambulance while Michael PS Hayes, John Ritter and the boring Charlie’s Angel all wonder why they can’t get any Tab on a Saturday. If it’s not clear, it’s the 80’s.

00:19:56 – HEY! KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE DAMN ROAD!

00:20:10 – “Don’t let your imagination run away with you.” Yeah, you can go but your imagination stays here.

00:20:16 – Despite being the wrong color and clearly dead for more than eight hours, we’re supposed to think that’s the Rabbit Harold cuddled earlier and accuse Jason of killing it. Except JASON. IS. A. FRIEND. TO. ALL. ANIMALS. (that don’t fuck with him.)

00:20:26 – That’s either Ray Stevens or Bram Morrison. Bustin’ out the obscure references like I was Seth MacFarlane.

00:20:37 – More like a young Charlie Daniels but not as drunk and crazy.

00:20:42 – “I must be in heaven!” he says, which is the dead last thing anyone has ever said with sincerity about waking up on the road in New Jersey.

00:21:01 – Someone said ‘shit, we killed off Ralph in the last movie but we need a crazy guy!’ and so, here we are.

00:21:17 – IT’S IN 3D! Look the crazy man in the eye, audience!

00:21:28 – What is a Higgins and why does it need a haven?

00:21:40 – Heavy Handed Horror Handbook – When showing a bridge, make sure to emphasize how it’s in poor condition so when it’s conveniently out during the third act’s chase, people will go “ooooooh, yeah” instead of “what the hell?”

00:21:55 – Okay, you can’t do that “ki-ki-ki, ma-ma-ma” sound effect for any bozo in a flannel shirt, Movie. You have to play by the rules like the rest of us.

00:22:14 – Yaaaay, we’re outside of the van! Let’s goof around instead of acting normal! Outside! of the van!

00:22:40 – “Is someone here?” Only me and Almighty, hon. And he’s busy making nachos.

00:22:45 – Want to show your love? Surprise someone by grabbing them by the neck and throwing them up against a wall.

00:22:50 – “My imagination or did it just get cold in here.” You grabbed her by the neck, you dumb fuck.

00:22:58 – “Did I do something wrong?” BY. THE. FUCKING. NECK.

00:23:03 – “Did I?” “No.” WHAT? Fine. Die, you dumb girl.

00:23:16 – This is ACTING. Like this is Uncle Vanya, some king high drama staging.

00:23:19 – “Don’t you even say hello anymore?” Maybe she would if you didn’t grab her -oh, who the hell cares. My nachos are ready.

00:23:28 – Rick’s a dick. Juvenile but until he ends with a Pickaxe through the sternum, I won’t be happy.

00:23:36 – “There’s only so many cold showers I can take.” GODDAMNIT DIE ALREADY.

00:24:00 – “Wasn’t this door closed a few minutes ago?” Chris is the only person with the secret knowledge on how to operate a door-handle.

00:24:17 – “They said they were going skinny dipping and I’m not skinny enough.” And thus, the term ‘Chunky Dunk” was invented.

00:24:39 – Close the door! What, did you grow up in a barn?

00:25:00 – “What’s this?” “Your bed.” And Chris leaves the girl, cold shoulder and cruel hearted as she is.

00:25:15 – Oh, Christ on this Throne. Andy brought a guitar.

00:25:29 – I’m not sure this is a 3D moment but it’s pretty boring enough that I’m sure the swinging bale of hair is supposed to be impressive.

00:25:44 -“I gave up an opportunity to spend the weekend with Mary Jo Conrad for this.” THE Mary Jo Conrad?!

00:26:10 – Most guys who take their shirts off in this series end up dead. Think about it – Steve and Kevin Bacon from the first and Jeff from the last movie. Swimming scenes don’t apply and neither if your character is not a central member of the cast. So maybe we can look forward to another delightful theme popping up when Rick’s blood gets spilled.

00:26:30 – This guy wants to spend three hours a day having sex but twenty bucks says he doesn’t need more than twenty minutes to finish up.

00:26:38 – An androgynous scream fills the air and everyone leaps into action!

00:27:35 – Shelly! With a HATCHET TO THE FOREHEAD!

00:27:58 – Andy does what comes natural to a corpse – he goes ‘cootchiecootchiecoo!”

00:28:24 – “Asshole.” It’s been pretty clear that Chris had some shit happen to her two years ago (movie time) that affected her, making her sensitive to horror. Now Andy and Debbie know about this. Would you think they’d tell Shelly, who is known for pulling some horror jokes? Look, he might be some fat nerd but why didn’t anyone say “Hey, don’t freak out the traumatized girl”?

00:28:46 – Tight, faded light blue jeans. Loafers. White socks. Knit belt. Light plaid shirt. This is the uniform of a dork.

00:28:48 – Also, another damn VW Bug.

00:29:10 – “He doesn’t know what happened,” Debbie says of Shelly. WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL HIM?

00:29:44 – The lady at the store says “We don’t accept no food stamps.” I throw my hands up. And she shouldn’t have such an attitude since she looks like Johnny Ramone.

00:29:53 – IT’S IN 3D! Shelly tosses his wallet! like a dipshit!

00:30:05 – Heavy Handed Horror Handbook: Pad your movie’s body count by introducing some irredeemable element in the second act: street gang, bikers, asshole jocks, snide sorority bitches. The audience will actually root for their deaths and it allows you to be more gruesome in their downfalls – because it’s okay to be violent, if the motherfucker deserves it!

00:31:13 – After trying to buy off the bikers with a beer, Shelly complains over the change. If he didn’t have what my friend Murray would call a “Jew-Fro,” I’d say this movie was just trying to make him seem stingy.

00:31:42 – Shelly, you had to go back about fifteen feet before you hit those bikes. Brakes, son. Get in the game!

00:31:54 – STOP THE CAR! HE HAS A CHAIN!

00:32:08 – Kind of looks like Dave Chapelle if Dave Chapelle was taller, older and uglier.

00:32:14 – IT’S IN 3D! CHAIN FIST OF BIKER vs. WINDOW! WHO WINS? (Chain fist of Biker)

00:32:38 – “He went too far this time!” You sort of let him do it by not driving away, boy. You can’t completely blame the known robber for robbing you when you leave the door open for him.

00:32:53 – Hard to believe that we haven’t gotten any skin in until now. Is that a record? I don’t care enough to check.

00:32:55IT’S IN 3D! Gratuitous Yo-Yo.

00:33:00 – Wow, great job at nailing your girlfriend in the face with your toy, asshole. (not as dirty as it sounds)

00:33:03 – “That was close.” Close to what? Getting lodged in your sinus cavity? Thing smacked you across the face, girl.

00:33:47 – “My poor car, what did you do to it?” Dude, that VW was in pretty crappy condition before it even left the barn. But yeah, insurance probably won’t cover it.

00:34:11 – “Stay with me,” she says after a pregnant pause as to make it seem like she almost forgot her line.

00:34:53 – Chris and Rick head off, leaving Debbie and Andy to get the movie back on track. What? Skinny dip down by the pond? Great idea, future slaughter victim.

00:35:00 – Someone runs over your bike after you punch out their windows? What do you think? ‘Maybe I should not be such an asshole?’ ‘Perhaps I should get these cuts on my fist looked at?’ or ‘Let’s go steal the gas out of their van.’ If you chose the third option, you’re probably dead and so soon will these bikers.

00:36:28 – Fox’s secret fascination with barns is revealed.

00:36:36 – YEAAAAAAAAAH KICK THAT BALE OF HAY SHOW IT WHO’S BOSS!

00:37:33 – This is…pretty tame. Slapping a Canteen and banging on some metal really isn’t ‘getting back’ at anyone, lady.

00:37:44 – Slipping on her high heels, Fox almost ends up with a pitchfork in the eye.

00:38:09 – IT’S IN 3D! Looking down on a soon to be dead biker girl as she climbs up a ladder.

00:38:27 – Oooooh they’re going to commit arson. Okay. That’s a little bit more intimidating but kind of stupid considering that it might kill someone and ultimately, just some dented forks

00:38:46 – IT’S IN 3D! Loco chucks …something….at a playful Fox.

00:39:43 – Why did that biker take off his vest to climb up a latter? To lose the extra-half pound of weight?

00:39:50 – Personally, I’m glad we moved away from the single, jangly earring fad. I’m more for symmetry.

00:40:11 – IT’S IN 3D! The handle of the pitchfork that staked Fox to the cross-beam sticks out towards the audience.

00:40:12 – A nice death, by the way. Very strong visual.

00:40:22 – For his troubles, Loco gets a Pitchfork through the large intestine.

00:40:30 – IT’S IN 3D! Another pitchfork handle for the crowd. I wonder if the 3D increased the number of death-by-objects-with-long handles for this movie.

00:40:44 – Will Ali too die via pitchfork or were there only two of them in the whole barn?

00:41:16PLANCHA!

00:41:35 – That was a conveniently placed Machete.

00:41:42 – And for some reason, Ali goes and attacks some hanging rope netting in the corner of an horse stall. Drank some of the gas, did you, Ali?

00:41:50 – Wait, Jason is in the stall and he bludgeons Ali – wait, that can’t be right. Was that a hammer or some kind of heavy axe?

00:42:05 – Andy and Debbie come up, adding levity after the biker massacre.

00:42:24 – Andy contemplates the barn but decides against it, delaying the inevitable for about twenty minutes.

00:42:42 – We now join Rick and Chris, already in progress.

00:42:53 – “The quiet can fool you. Fooled me.” Pray tell, how did it fool you?

00:43:21 – “How do I break through?” BREAK ON THROUGH, TO THE OTHER SIDE!

00:43:23 – Aaaaand instead of answering that question or having Chris stop dicking around about why she’s all messed up, why not go and watch two hippies sleep? Or two dorks juggle fruit? Thanks, Movie!

00:43:30 – IT’S IN 3D! Dorks juggling fruit. I am impressed (no, I’m not)

00:43:43 – So dismayed by the boys’ childish contest, Debbie and Vera consider making out.

00:44:08 – Unless Chris decides to offer up an entry, I think Vera will win this Movie’s Jeannie Taylor award.

00:44:33 – Ah, Shelly. You’re moving too fast. You just met the girl.

00:44:41 – ACCESS DENIED! Sorry, son. I guess you better go juggle your apples tonight.

00:44:56 – “Sure. We’ll talk. Bitch.” Woah. Woah. WOAH. Shelly. Don’t be a sore loser. Just because she won’t touch it after knowing you for, what, six hours? Son, you just lost my sympathy.

00:45:15 – Vera, outside of some neon and some British Knight shoes, I don’t think that outfit can be any more 1982.

00:45:57 – Debbie’s response to ‘So, how do we do it’ got a sincere laugh out of me, solely from her delivery.

00:46:24 – Why watch some teenagers navigate a hammock during sex when you can see Chris and Rick work through her mental issues?

00:46:34 – FINALLY get on with it.

00:47:30 – We getting a flashback?

00:47:40 – YEP.

00:48:24 – Huh. Run away from home. Get discovered by a crazed killer. Nice moral, Movie.

00:48:51 – So this movie is happening one day after Part 2, which happened five years after Part 1. Part 1 was in 1980. Both Part 2 and 3 take place in 1985. Chris’s flashback is to two years earlier of Part 3. 1983, which would be at least six months later than when this movie ACTUALLY came out.

00:49:15 – IT WAS ALL A DREAM.

00:49:48 – “That damn battery. Charged it yesterday. Must not have taken.” Um, guy? When you have to charge your CAR battery daily, might be time to get a new one. Or you be a little a conservative and not run the damn lights for an hour.

00:50:25 – I’m trying to think of a good “hippie is going to die” song. There’s ‘Wotango’ by Deadbolt, ‘The Thing That Only Eats Hippies’ by the Dead Milkmen. Got any suggestions?

00:51:08 – You have power but no indoor plumbing?

00:51:29 – “Heavy shit,” says a hippie smoking weed in an outhouse. The levels, the many crappy levels that works on.

00:52:34 – Funny how this scene reminds me of a similar scene in Freaked, where I’m sure the intentions are reversed. Freaked. That was a good movie.

00:53:01 – Last time I saw two hippies skulking about, it was an episode of Scooby-Doo.

00:53:13 – Oh-okay? Is this a IT’S IN 3D! moment? I can’t really tell.

00:53:39 – Maybe it’s the lighting but it seems our boy Jason got some darker pants. That Voorhees boy. Such a fashionplate.

00:53:43 – I swear Vera’s outfit is radioactive.

00:53:50 – Cute, Manfredini. Having a fake Jaws theme play when Vera’s foot is grabbed by someone out of the water.

00:54:04 – Appearing for the first time, ladies and gentlemen, that iconic hockey mask – on the face of a fat dork named Shelly.

00:54:10 – Shelly is a fan of tough love when it comes to teaching people things.

00:54:20 – Wow. Shelly in a skin tight wetsuit. That’s pretty damn horrific.

00:54:25 – Okay. Any of you positive nerds out there who might feel something in common with Shelly, don’t follow what he does. Look, nerds and dorks get action and love all the time. It takes dressing a little bit better, some positive ideas of yourself and some restraint and bam! Love will come your way. Don’t worry, don’t stress and don’t chase after girls while brandishing a spear-gun. A message from GdL16.

00:55:00 – He looks over his shoulder with a thought of ‘All’s going according to plan.’

00:55:28 – And we get to see how unfortunate that wetsuit really is for our lad Shelton.

00:56:04 – “Chuck? Chilli? What are you guys doing in there?” Either weed or fucking, son. Speaking of which, there hasn’t been any games but plenty of pot.

00:56:16 – “You guys doing something I shouldn’t see?” If you have to ever ask that, the answer is YES.

00:56:40 – Wait, she’s had his wallet all this time?

00:57:32 – And there he is. The man behind the mask.

00:57:45 – He is not!

00:57:48 – HE IS!

00:57:51 – IT’S IN 3D! Holy hell, Jason just fired the spear gun at Vera.

00:57:53 – AND SHE TAKES IT IN THE EYE.

00:57:59 – And he’s totally gangstah about it. Doesn’t even care.

00:58:20 – I’m not fond of representing Jason without a neck. He’s not some hockey goon. Taller, yes. With the body of an outdoorsman, yes. But dumb and nothing but shoulders? C’mon.

00:58:33 – THEY WERE MAKING LOVE!

00:58:51 – So, is she pregnant? Or what? Was that some joke or no?

00:59:02 – Wait, why was the hippie taking a dump in an outhouse when there’s clearly running water?

00:59:38 – “Do you want a beer or not?” “Sure.” Okay, she’s not pregnant (or the worst mom).

01:00:09 – I don’t really get the guy’s obsession with walking on his hands. But I guess when you have nothing more to contribute to the movie than a visual sight-gag which will more than likely lead to a gruesome death, do what you can.

01:00:15 – Speaking of which…

01:00:30 – He gonna Norman Bates her?

01:01:00 – Guess not.

01:01:40 – Kicking off the third act here. Should wrap up rather quickly. We’ve got the hippies, Chris and Rick and this Debbie girl who has spent the last minute saying ‘Andy?’

01:01:50 – Is this supposed to set up a dichotomy between Andy and Debbie and Harold and Edna from the start of the film? Because I will take Harold over all these losers any day.

01:02:11 – Fangoria Magazine? Cool little shout out there, I must say.

01:02:14 – Ha! Debbie reads an article on Tom Savini, makeup and effects coordinator of the first movie.

01:02:20 – Ah, the dripping blood scene. Haven’t seen that since the first movie, yeah?

01:02:26 – “Where’s this coming from? First answer: from above you. She looks up and hey! Good news is: you’re finally taller than your boyfriend! (probably IT’S IN 3D! but eh, the effect translate well here.)

01:02:26 – And she gets KEVIN BACON’D – NO WAY. NICE, Movie.

01:02:42 – He steps on a twig. “What was that noise?” A twig.

01:02:51 – Chuck, proving that every broken clock is right twice a day when you throw it at the head of a hippie, pops popcorn the right way. Depends if you can find decent popping corn in your area. Shaws carries bags here, two for 4 bucks. It’s a good deal.

01:02:52 – IT’S IN 3D! POPCORN MASSACRE!

01:03:10 – “How come you don’t scream when we have sex?” “Give me something to scream about.” Yes, if I were somehow to find myself having sex with a bearded hippie, you BETTER believe there would be screaming.

01:03:29 – Chuck’s survival instincts, which had him avoid Kent State, Altamont and the brown acid, show up only to be dismissed by Chili as he heads out into the dark to check the fusebox.

01:03:51 – “So what if it’s dark?” Indeed. You could be on the NATURE TRAIL FROM HELL – IN 3D!

01:04:30 – Dead skunk? In 3D? do you care?

01:05:07 – It’s a case of ‘Boy Who Cried Wolf’ when Shelly shows up wearing a Columbian Necktie and Chili don’t play that.

01:05:14 – “Wait, am I? Oh yeah, supposed to die. I’m dead.” Good acting, Shelly.

01:05:27 – Yeah, an imposing figure is good but Jason doesn’t have a hump nor does he have a trapezius muscle of a bodybuilder on the juice.

01:05:32 – Oh, come on. That was a weak death. Fried hippie? Sheesh.

01:05:44 – “What’s going on?” Acting!

01:06:11 – IT’S IN 3D! HOT STUFF (poker) coming through!

01:06:28 – Chili tries to run around frantic, but it seems more like she’s lost a puppy than seen two to three bodies.

01:06:29 – Make that four.

01:06:30 – Laziest joke in the world: “Oh, a bad case of heartburn.”

01:06:50 – So because Rick is a moron, the two of them have missed most of the carnage as they return to the campsite to find…a) Jason gone to return to his shack b) it was all just a bad wet dream by Shelly or c) death and destruction?

01:06:11 – The Internet says that a 2010 CGI-movie from Isreal, featuring wildflowers fighting genetically modified corn, will be called ‘The Wild Bunch.’ That’s pretty …..disenchanting. Man, really?

01:07:26 – Okay, that was funny. “I smell something burning.” Good one, movie.

01:08:06 – Is Rick’s horrible sweater supposed to be a callback to Mama V’s horrible sweater? I’m getting that bad vibe off of it.

01:08:31 – Neither has called out for Shelly in their search. Take note.

01:08:48 – Mandfredini! Lay off the strings, man.

01:08:57 – Okay, that was a good shot of the panning camera and the struggling Rick. Why can’t you do that ALL the time, Movie? Why in the last fifteen minutes of the movie do you start to get clever?

01:09:13IT’S IN oh come on. Really? Squeezing his head for an eye to burst out with cartoon SCHBLOIP! sound effect? Come on.

01:09:31 – “Where’s that coming from?” LOOK. UP. YOU. MORON.

01:09:42 – “I don’t know what kind of game you guys are playing but I don’t like it.” Strip Monopoly? Electric Handheld Hockey?

01:10:08 – Debbie forgot to turn off the shower and damn, do I hate it when the drain gets clogged with long hair.

01:10:24 – Oh, his colors bled. Shame. Always get your uniforms prewashed to avoid that. We do here at the Local.

01:10:29 – “Rick!” He didn’t use fabric softener!”

01:10:56 – Loco is this movie’s Steven, except he’s wearing a shirt, doesn’t have a beard and like Steven, I couldn’t care less that he’s dead.

01:11:00 – Chis is losing it. The lighting does a good job with it.

01:12:11 – Yeah, who didn’t see that coming? Girl stands by some windows, calling out a boy we saw die just shortly before. D is for Defenstration, boys and girls.

00:12:30 – What do you know? Jason’s attempting to be an actual axe murderer.

00:12:41 – IT’S IN 3D! Shower of books. Books? really? I guess Jason got conked with a dictionary because he slumped over. Or he tried to READ the dictionary.

01:13:30 – Debbie falls over, which makes me wonder what Jason’s idea for the bodies was all about. Before, it seemed he was building a shrine to his dead mother. Now, it seems like they’re the worst (or best?) Easter Eggs.

01:13:55 – “OH JEEZE why don’t you just pull the knife right out of my back, whydontcha?”

01:14:13 – I don’t know if IT’S IN 3D! or not but she’s slashing at us like a girl who meant to cut things.

01:14:18 – After fifty tries, she finally hits something.

01:14:28IT’S IN THREE DEEEE Jason throws a knife.

01:15:04 – After proving then disproving the versatility of nylon jackets, she completely cracks our boy’s head with a log. Damn.

01:15:45 – Off to that van but it starts. Huh. I thought they siphoned out the gas before? Way to do a crappy job at getting revenge, Bikers.

01:16:33 – Ah, I spoke too soon. OH NO out of gas DID YOU FORGET are you an idiot OR JUST BORED WITH THIS MOVIE either way TRY AGAIN, GIRL! Maybe she shouldn’t have tried to pull a hit and run in a VAN.

01:16:51 – And the bridge starts to suck. IT ALL COMES BACK. Thank you, Heavy Handed Horror Handbook.

01:17:00 – Of course there’s a reserve tank. Of course. But what good does that do you when the bridge is collapsing (as well as is your trachea, thanks to the hand around your neck?)

01:17:20 – Not to be too much of a twit but how fast could she have manually cranked the window up when the inhuman death machine was choking the life out of her? Seems a bit fishy, Movie.

01:17:40 – I like how Jason has suddenly forgotten he got stabbed in the knee.

01:17:50 – It all ends in the barn. You knew it would come down to this.

01:18:16 – “I’m not locked in here with you. You’re locked in here with me!”

01:18:38 – Jason throws around some chairs. Just for the hell of it.

01:18:50 – One might say this movie is ‘stalling’ for time.

01:19:11 – The hell is with people against looking UP in this movie?

01:19:42KITS FIN TREATIED! Chris falls and Jason’s weakspot is exposed – death from above.

01:19:51 – The Convenient Machete, a new band name, book title or philosophy on life?

01:20:20 – Considering his established soft spot on the top of the head, wouldn’t it have worked for her to drop a bale of hay on him? Those suckers are rarely light (unless they’re in a movie.)

01:20:32 – QUIT DOING THAT jeeze, Chris. You keep on bashing the boy in the head. You’re going to cause some brain damage!

01:21:01IT’S IN 3D! Okay, this is innovative. Hanging him, his dangling body above the camera with the stupid novelty effect. Still, a good shot and idea. Who hangs a hated enemy (outside the KKK and rope-based superheroes?)

01:21:12 – A short drop with a sudden stop.

01:21:40 – We have the “false sense of relief now.” Chris goes about her business, sighing, attempting to open the barn door…

01:22:22 – …to find that Jason swings level to the ground…

01:22:24 -…and that he’s NOT DEAD! I guess there’s advantages to not having a neck, after all.

01:22:30 – And he pulls the mask off! AND HE’S not that ugly.

01:22:32 – Really, not someone that ugly. Yeah, he needs dental work and they got rid of the hair but we’ve got benefits. He’s shown that he’s good with his hands, has no problem with manual labor, works well in work pants and boots and has no problem with the dead. If he could afford the dues and keep his extra-curricular activities to a restrained level, he could have been a good member of the Local here. But, I guess we only have room for one Jason.

01:22:43 – Jason stalks Chris and I get flashbacks to when Farkus stalked Ralphie at the end of ‘A Christmas Story.’ And ‘Peter and the Wolf’ was playing in my head.

01:22:46 – Suddenly, Ali (who isn’t dead, he got better) comes out and now gets to park his bike in the handicap spots from now on.

01:23:00 – Jason gets a little too wrapped up in his work, as he did when finishing off Paul in Part 2, allowing for Chris to pick up an axe and – cute the music!

01:23:13 – Wait? No slow-mo? No screeching strings like when Alice did in Mama V and Ginny did in Jason? Movie. I’m surprised. Not disappointed, just surprised.

01:12:18 – Oh, false start. Seems that Jasonc an take an AXE TO THE MOTHERFUGGIN’ FOREHEAD.

01:23:32 – Or, can he? (ps. itsinthreedeee)

01:23:50 – So with all of her friends dead (Andy, Debbie, Shelly, Vera, Chuck, Chili, Rick) along with people she didn’t know (Harold, Vera) and others she wouldn’t want to (Ali, Fox, Loco), our girl decides NOT to call the authorities or even leave the premises. Instead, she decides, ‘let’s go get in a boat.’

01:24:28 – Morning. Still waters run deep.

01:24:41 – OH MY GOD WHY DIDN’T I CALL THE COPS yes girl, you are still in New Jersey.

01:25:19 – That duck was hilarious and an ASSHOLE.

01:25:25 – What next? Some fish jumping about to startle her? Some cow mooing? What you got, Movie?

01:25:31 – Why, you’ve got Jason, still alive!

01:25:40 – I find it rather odd that only now has she decided to escape.

01:26:09 – He’s real – OR IS HE?

01:26:15 – AND instead of creepy half-rotted boy Jason reaching up for a surviving Alice, we get half-rotted Pamela Voorhees in ugly sweater and fantastic make-up job to drag Chris underwater, even though none of what I just saw makes a lick of sense.

01:26:36 – Portly Dennis Farino knock-off sherrif walks the property.

01:26:55 – Flipped out. To where she’s laughing? Or screaming. Was it real? Was it fake?

01:27:40 – The panning camera to the lifeless body of a axe-still-in-head Jason seems to tell us that what we saw was COMPLETELY true.

01:28:11 – And Camp Crystal Lake is peaceful, if not filthy, once again.

01:28:21 – ROLL CREDITS! Manfredini! Bust out the synth track! Friday the 13th – PART III. Jason Productions, Inc. All Right Reserved or we come after you with the long knives. Based upon characters by Victor Miller and Ron Kurz! Co-starring Nick “Not Fred” Savage, Gloria Charles and Charles Gloria and Kevin ‘The Pipes, The Pipes Are Calling’ O’Brien. Featuring all the names you saw at the start of the movie AND THEN SOME. AND REMEMBER – IT’S IN 3D!

Wrap Up: Much easier to handle. I think Steve Miner came into his own here. He had a decent script that ensures that whoever showed up was going to die in a particularly entertaining way, advancing the movie and keeping the plot going.

It makes sense how some folk might not like the start of the movie, basically depriving the Jason-through-the-window ending of the last movie (spoiler alert!) but Jason is a rainbow of flavors.

This movie was the one where he put on the iconic hockey mask, spawning an instant image associated with ‘deranged killer’ that wasn’t already connected to ‘Hockey.’ It’s kind of interesting to see how it all came about, since it’s not a natural progression to go from half-drowned naked boy to baggyheadman to playing goalie for the Redwings. You think they would have taken a mask from the Devils but life is strange.

And it’s only gets stranger from here.

Want to throw a thanks to http://fridaythe13thfilms.com/, who have been a great help so far and will continue to do so for weeks to come.

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  1. […] several factors are currently blocking our dream of doing so, but Strange Jason’s first few “Strange Trips” do give something of an insight of what one would be […]

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