Costume Crazyness 2012

I don’t have an introduction in me this year, so let’s just jump right in:

The sad thing is that this “Horror Puppet” mask isn’t the worst Saw knock-off I’ve ever seen. That honor goes to a little number I saw at my local Rite-Aid. It was an overhead latex hockey mask with red dots on the “cheeks,” an attached black fright wig and streams of blood pouring from the eyes. Sadly, I was unable to find any photographs of it online for your “enjoyment.”

I don’t know what’s weirder, the fact that a knock-off version of a woman from the Progressive commercials costume exists or the fact that the model of said knock-off looks more like Flo than the woman modeling the officially licensed version.

That’s odd, why is this dog mask being marketed as a werewolf mask? I’m not kidding, this looks far more like a Schnauzer or Scottish Terrier mask than it looks like a werewolf. You can’t call yourself a monster if your face makes people want to give you belly rubs.

Granted, I haven’t seen Iron Man 2 yet, but I highly doubt that an “Iron Woman” character appears in it (let alone look anything like that costume). These costumes, on the other hand…

*laughs*

*cries*

I was really hoping this would be the year I wouldn’t have to deal with offensive racial stereotypes masquerading as costumes. Did Strange Jason teach us nothing?

Please tell me this is a knock-off. I really do expect better from licensed products.

That’s weird, why does looking at these wigs make me want to listen to a Lady Gaga song parody remix?

This is clearly a knock-off of the lead from some Pixar film. It’s a shame the people behind it aren’t BRAVE enough to admit it.

A man’s wife is his life, Mr. UPS Man…”

Why not just market this as a yellow wig and save on licensing fees? it’s not like Smurfette was the only character in human history with hair like that. Also, way to not sell the Smurfs connection in the display picture. Would a little blue makeup have been too much to ask?

Gangsta Braids” is totally not Coolio circa 1995. No sir…

Look, I can understand not wanting to dress in a fursuit, but you’re going to have to do more than just wear a wig if you want to dress up as a character from My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. You either have to suck it up and add a mask to the equation or buy an actual costume.

This Minecraft mask is awesome…and something you could easily make at home for far less money. Seriously, $50 for a cardboard box?

HOLY CRAP, SOMEONE MADE A GHOULIES MASK!? I’m so disappointed there isn’t a tie-in toilet costume so you can replicate the film’s VHS release.

If a zombie sock monkey costume isn’t enough proof that zombies are overexposed, then perhaps zombie Batman and friends can convince you.

Barackula. Is this simply making a pun or is this a case of the Obama Joker mask not being enough for some people?

The “Gothic Mummy” wig fails on so many levels. First of all, mummies aren’t “gothic” in any sense of the word. Even if they were, mummies don’t need wigs. And, finally, you can just put toilet paper in your hair for the exact same effect.

I must admit that “Arena Girl” confused me at first. The name screamed “knock-off,” but I couldn’t place what character it was supposed to be. Thankfully, a quick look at licensed costume revealed that it was a reference to The Hunger Games.

It blows my mind that Katy Perry would sign off on using her likeness as part of a line of costumes designed to act as (in my opinion) sluttified versions of characters for the purposes of sexual fantasies. A line including a “sexy Beetlejuice” costume. But in all fairness, both of those costumes are worlds better than this “Secret Wishes” costume based around a six year old girl.

This is supposed to be a caveman? Seriously?

This is kind of cool…until you realize that putting a shirt over your head like that serves no purpose whatsoever. However, masks depicting savage cyborg gorillas will always rule.

Wait, this doesn’t have any IFD style ninja headbands? Screw that!

These threeSpidey” masks are obvious knock-offs…and admittedly look awesome. Remember the original Scarlet Spider and his odd costume utilizing a torn hoodie? According to this, the character was originally supposed to have built himself a costume out of scraps and various odds and ends during his travels as a drifter. However, I think we can all agree that the design Marvel eventually went with looks far too polished for such an origin. The costume used in the wrestling scene from Sam Raimi’s Spider-Man movie looks more appropriate, but admittedly isn’t much to look at. Imagine how cool it would have been if he had worn one of the “Spidey” masks with a hoodie and some other improvised clothing. Hell, it’s been established in continuity that unlicensed superhero merchandise exists in the Marvel universe, so such an idea could work. But this is far too nerdy a note to end a humor article on. So let’s bring home the bacon with this look at the worst Spider-Man related song ever. “Enjoy.”

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