You might be interested to know that this song was (mostly) written by James Lileks back in 2007. You can hear more songs by the guy who performed this by clicking here.

Remember the movie Little Monsters? You know, the one about the kid who befriends a monster living under his bed that starred Fred Savage and Howie Mandel? Anyway, I was surprised to learn that it had a tie-in contest that one could enter by calling a 1-900 number. Said contest was promoting using a mind-searingly awful ad:

According to this Wikipedia article, complaints by parent groups in the mid 90′s stopped these sorts of ads from being targeted at children. Thanks to those brave souls, we no longer have to fear Saved by the Bell-wannabe graphics and poorly-sung rap.

Not only has the fansite Toughpigs.com spent a week with Halloween-related Muppets stuff, but they also have an semi-annual “Halloween Parade” of Muppet costumes:

First Halloween parade
Second Halloween parade
Third Halloween parade
Fourth Halloween parade
Fifth Halloween parade

Some are good, some are bad, and others defy description, but the comments are all great. Here’s hoping they’ll do it again this year.

Location: 1235 Bedford Street (Rte 18) Abington, MA (Directions)
Dates/Times: Sept. 26-27, Oct. 3-4, 10-11, 12-13, 17-31, 7:00 to 10:30 pm
Admission: $17 per person (Credit cards not accepted)
Phone: (781) 871-4573
Website: http://www.bhmansion.com

Although many would assume the best haunted house in Massachusetts would be located in Salem, they’re wrong. Based on my late 90′s visit, Barrett’s Haunted Mansion in Abington deserves the title. Why? Simply put, Barrett’s goes above and beyond the call of duty in all aspects of operating a haunted house.

Let’s start with something that can be neglected in haunted attractions: Line entertainment. When visiting a popular haunted attractions (house, hayride, etc), there’s bound to be a lot of people who want to go through. This leads to long lines and waiting times, which can get really boring really fast. In order to make the waits more tolerable, Barrett’s provides outdoor displays (I loved the skeletons in a rowboat) and “monsters” who terrorize those waiting in line. For 2008, they’ve added a separate attraction that simulates what it’s like to be buried alive in a coffin. If it’s anything like the “buried alive” simulator described here, it’ll also provide entertainment for people waiting in line as well. UPDATE: This attraction has since been discontinued at the mansion.

The mansion itself is absolutely amazing. They set up a realistic zombie-infested swamp, complete with a shaky bridge, running water, and a shack owned by a deranged redneck…INDOORS. The talented staff and high-quality props will constantly leave you guessing whether or not they’re people in costumes waiting to scare you or just inanimate objects. More often than not, you’ll guess incorrectly. This is not to say that all the “monsters” just leap out at you or stand still and suddenly come to life, though. The rooms all look great and several of them used creative methods of entering and exiting them. They also offered a great twist on the mirror maze concept that has to be seen in order to be fully appreciated. Also worthy of note are the expert use of lighting effects. Not only do they provide an appropriately dreary atmosphere, but they were also used to enhance certain scares. I especially liked the twist they put on the standard “dark maze”-style room. Plus they even give you candy when you exit the haunt. What’s not to love?

Barrett’s Haunted Mansion changes the rooms every year, although my casual research on the matter seems to indicate that selected rooms reappear every year or so. So while I can’t be sure that you’ll have the exact same experience that I had if you visit, but I can be sure that you’ll have a great time. I’d imagine that some of you are balking at the ticket price, but trust me, it’s worth every penny. Besides, you can knock five dollars off the price of a ticket if you use this coupon (Only good Sunday through Thursday; discount doesn’t apply to the “Buried Alive” attraction).

UPDATE: It has come to my attention that Barrett’s Haunted Mansion no longer uses the “Buried Alive” attraction.

Final verdict: 5 skulls out of 5

Special thanks to Barrett’s Haunted Mansion for use of the picture.

Location: 59 Wharf Street, Salem, MA (Directions)
Dates/Times: October 1-31, 12:00 noon to 8:00 pm
Admission: $8 per adult, $6 per child under age 12.
Phone: (978) 745-5888
Website: http://www.draculathecastle.com/draculascastle.html

Dracula’s Castle was first haunted attraction I went through when visiting Salem in the late 90′s. With that in mind, my rating for this haunted house only applies to my original visit, as I as sadly unable to visit it this year. The haunt has changed since then, so please use my old visit to gauge whether or not you should check it out.

Unlike at some haunted houses, the monsters at Dracula’s Castle don’t simply jump out of dark corners and yell “Boo!” Instead, they’ll charge at you, block your path, and some of them relentlessly pursue you throughout the haunt. Although I’ve heard horror stories of haunts where you’d catch the “monsters” in obvious hiding spots or having conversations with their masks off, that was not the case at here. The employees all stayed in character and were always prepared.

Dracula’s Castle also goes the extra mile by utilizing other types of scare tactics, such as misdirection and psychological-based scares. Although I enjoyed the ones involving misdirection (my favorite use of this involved spikes), I wasn’t impressed by the attempt at a psychological scare by having disembodied voices call out your name. This effect was hampered by the fact that you’d be asked your name immediately before the voices began, making the whole thing quite obvious (and resulted in my deducting half a skull from the rating). In my opinion, it would have been better if they had tried to get peoples’ names in a less obvious manner, like having the ticket seller secretly gather the names and send them to the “monsters” shortly after customers enter the castle. However, I’ve been assured that this is no longer done at Dracula’s Castle, which means my sole complaint about my 90′s visit would not apply to the attraction this year.

The props and set design were all very well-done; I was particularly impressed by the detail in the graveyard scene. There were some rather interesting touches in the layout of the haunt, such as placing a levitating vampiress in a spot that your eyes are drawn to or having to duck under sections of a cave. These, and the different types of scares, all combine to form a unique experience. Speaking of unique experiences, Dracula’s Castle changes its setup and scares ever year.

Interestingly enough, I learned that Dracula’s Castle was briefly renamed the Nightmare Factory a few years ago. Now it’s back to its original name and the owner has opened another haunt using the Nightmare Factory name. I mention this because both attractions (along with two other attractions) are part of the “Witch City Adventure Pass” program, in which you can buy a ticket ($24 for adult or $16 for a child under age 12) that grants you access to Dracula’s Castle, The Nightmare Factory, Count Orlok’s Nightmare Gallery, and The Witches Cottage. That roughly breaks down to paying the standard admission price for three attractions and visiting the fourth for free. For more information about obtaining the pass, please call any of the previously named attractions or ask the ticket-sellers for more information.

Final verdict: 4.5 skulls out of 5

Special thanks to Dracula’s Castle for allowing use of the picture.

While browsing the Halloween countdown at the blog, “Lost in Schlock,” I found a link to a fan-made film showing the Gremlins interrupting a “video on demand” (VOD) showing of Gremlins 2: The New Batch. You see, the theatrical version of that movie had a segment where the Gremlins took over the projection booth of the theater and stopped the movie. Then Hulk Hogan showed up to stop them so the film could continue. For the home video version, they replaced that with a bit where it looked like your VCR was messing up due to the Gremlins. Instead of Hogan showing up again, John Wayne had to make them knock it off. So the idea behind the fan film is what would happen if Warner Brothers took the same approach when preparing the film for VOD showings. You can see the video, along with a behind-the-scenes video, here.

I’ve also discovered that, according to the Gremlins novelization, the Mogwai/Gremlins were genetically engineered by aliens! This site offers more details on the matter.

But wait, it gets weirder! In Germany, there’s a Gremlins ride that features guest appearances by Alf. Yes, that Alf. I rank it right up there with Hello Kitty’s appearance in a Godzilla motion simulator ride.

Although it’s not a third Gremlins movie, fans of the franchise will be interested to learn that the Gremlins appeared in a 2008 TV ad for British Telecom. The special effects are 100% “old school” puppets and no CGI appears to have been used. You can check it out here.

Wikipedia claims that “[a] ‘Gremlins consultant’ was brought in to assist with the BT Gremlins commercial. Matthew Delieu who is considered to be the movies biggest fan provided original Gremlins blueprints and an original puppet during the production of the commercial and also puppeteered Gremlins in the 50 second advertisement. Delieu lives in the UK and owns many original items from the first movie including some original blueprints for Gizmo and original puppet designs.”

Interestingly enough, this isn’t the first time the Gremlins have appeared in an advertisement not related to the films or merchandise. Back in the 80′s, Gizmo and co. showed up in a public service announcement about drunk driving. You can find out more at this site.

Godzilla Island was a Japanese tv series about Godzilla and other monsters battling invaders from Planet X that ran from 1997-1998. What makes this show so interesting is how each episode was only three minutes long and that most of the monster scenes used toys being moved around. Okay, technically they were figures made from the molds of various Godzilla-related toys, but I think you get the point. From what I understand, the show was apparently intended for children to watch before heading off to school (and to advertise Bandai Godzilla figures).

TarsTarkas.net has several episode reviews, complete with screencaps and video clips. You can check out a look at the first story arc here.

Latenight Wingman has you covered with its list of horror movies playing on cable this month.

This amazing Frankenberry picture was drawn by Mark Poutenis, creator of the “The Thinking Ape Blues” and these awesome costumes.

Special thanks to Mark Poutenis for allowing use of this picture.

Here’s a scanned article from a 1934 issue of Modern Mechanix called “Thrills and Chills for your Hallowe’en Party.” Emphasis on “chills,” because there’s no way you could get away with 99% percent of those ideas without getting roped into a personal injury lawsuit.

Economic woes eating up your Halloween budget? If you’ve got a well-stocked color printer and some glue, then we’ve got you covered!

If you have a lot of spare time and patience, you might want to try making the “following portraits” of Frankenstein’s monster and Dracula available at Frankenpaper.

Haunted Dimensions offers papercraft versions of tombstones and other things associated with Disney’s Haunted Mansion.

The H. P. Lovecraft Historical Society offers up toe tags, death certificates, and a Miskatonic University diploma that are perfect for haunted houses.

You can spook up any non-digital clocks in your house using the “13 hour clock” images from the Monster Maze or the Ghoul Skool.

The Halloween section of Canon’s papercraft site has a small assortment of kid-friendly masks and cards. Those who want more serious decorations can try assembling the realistic papercraft snowy owls (Great for Harry Potter-inspired setups) and a cat that I’m sure can be easily modified into a black cat.

I’ve saved the best for last: Ravensblight has printable games, masks, paintings, and other cool stuff (like this creepy little fellow). There’s even free music!

According to the uploader, packratshow:

“This clip is from Drew’s Famous Ghoul Log DVD. I’ve only captured the first 25 percent becuase they basically gave up after 8 and half minutes. The rest of the video is still frames of the pumpkins and mask for 30 minutes. I feel ripped of even though I only paid 2.99 for this piece of crap. There is also another video on the disc which has the same soundtrack but with three shots(again, repeated for 40 minutes) of the same 3 pumpkins with poorly animated flames keyed in the the mouth and face holes.”

To see more Drew’s Famous Entertainment suckage, I highly recommend checking out his other videos.

I think the person who uploaded this, backobeyond, summed it up nicely:

“The following is a clip from a 1982 MTV special. Before MTV had enough music videos to fill their day they scheduled with specials and events. In this TV special Videography Studios and 3D Video pooled their resources and shot new 3D footage to wrap around the 1950s Sci-Fi classic, “ROBOT MONSTER”. The rock group, SPACE CADET star as the guys in silver lamet…. and that’s Bob Burns in the famous Tracy the Gorilla suit from the kid’s TV series, “The Ghost Busters”!”

That’s right, MTV didn’t always play music videos 24/7 back in the day. So can we please put an end to all the “back when MTV actually played music” jokes?

You can order some free 3D glasses here. Don’t sweat the wait, though; the 3D effect isn’t very good. The problem with the anaglyphic 3D process is that it works better with still images than it does on moving footage. Also, 3D looks its best when projected onto a silver screen and you have to play around with color settings in order to make it look somewhat decent on monitors and TV screens. But, all in all, this video is a nice little curiosity.

Elmo Shropshire (aka Dr. Elmo), the man who inflicted “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer” upon the world, seems to have milked Christmas dry and set his sights on Halloween. Sadly, this seems to be a growing trend among those who specialize in Christmas music. Originally appearing as a song on his 2005 “Sings the Boos” release and later getting its own album with the same name, “Redneck Dracula” is a trainwreck of a song.

Obviously made to cash in on the “Blue Collar” craze, the song amazingly doesn’t do much with the concept. It’s as if he thought that just calling Dracula a redneck in the title was enough to get the point across. Other than that, it’s limited to the occasional awful pun, like “…drove a chicken-fried stake through my heart,” and having the title character ride a mechanical bull. Not that the song’s concept wasn’t terrible to begin with, but you’d think that Dr. Elmo would’ve at least tried a little harder. In the end, Dracula has been lowered to hitting on overweight women at truck stops in order to suck their blood, thus making this the most depressing Halloween novelty song ever recorded. Coupled with the poor attempt at a “scary vampire” voice and music that sounds like a demo selection from a Casio keyboard, it all adds up to one crappy song. The music video only makes it worse, as they decided that farts and having Dracula look at a stroke mag would make things “funnier”:

The rest of the album consists of cover songs and more painfully unfunny original material, including another carry-over from the previous album and yet another variation on the “Grandma” concept.

Some might say that I’m being too hard on a man who primarily records material aimed at children. All I can say is listen to the samples on these pages. No matter who your target audience is, there’s no excuse for poor quality.

Besides, Unknown Hinson offered the definitive take on redneck vampires ion his song “Undead Blues,” so Dr. Elmo best step back. Hell yeah. You can check it out for yourself on his Myspace page or by watching the following music video:

From what I understand, this song is from the television series, 30 Rock. Happy Yom Kippur to all our Jewish readers!