For those who are searching for unique horror items, one can’t beat Etsy.com. Each Tuesday, Gravedigger’s Local 16 aims to highlight one seller. If you’re looking to spruce up your look, redecorate your sanctorum or get a gift for that special something in your life, Etsy.com is your place for spooky econo.]

Grave Robbers Union Local 666

http://www.etsy.com/shop/grul666

A Handful of Dirt asks a person five questions they wouldn’t normally expect or receive in any other credible interview.

In consulting the Serendipiter Bag o’InquiryTM, we pose a series of questions to come up with a bit of knowledge unknown before – a handful of dirt.

Author/Graphic Designer/Actor John Dimes is happily affiliated with the television show Spooky Movie Television as the character Dr. Sarcofiguy. He has authored the books Intracations, The White Corpse Hustle: A Guide for the Fledgling Vampire, The Rites of Pretending Tribe, and There Are No Bad Movies (Only Bad Audiences).

His comic book Gurlimann’s Bizaare Bazaar received 3 out 4 Skulls from Fangoria Magazine, and a “Dimes gets props for having a villain based on Charlie Chaplin,” from Ain’t It Cool News.

You can find out more about him on his website at: www.johndimes.weebly.com.

If you were the host of a late night talk show host, who would you have as your band?

My favorite most obscene/tongue-in-cheek band in the world to have on my show would be THE TIGER LILLIES. They’re from the U.K., and is described by some as Tom Waits on helium. That’s a true thing. I’d have them sing “Push A Baby Down The Stairs,” from their album “Urine Palace.” They’re brilliant, I tell you!

If you could resurrect a film actor, who would it be?

Can I answer with whose career I’d like to see euthanized first? Nicholas Cage. Where’s Dr. Kevorkian, for chrissakes?! Oh, he’s dead, idn’t he?! Heh. I definitely would resurrect Vincent Price, though. That there was an AWESOME actor. An awesome personality. Or Peter Sellers. No more Pink Panther stuff. But I’d definitely like to see him around some more. I loved him in the movie “Being There.”

We’ve woken up and in this universe, you are the driver of a car for NASCAR. Who is the main sponsor of your car?

Underwood Devil’s Spread. SPAM. Mr. Bubble.

A FOX executive (suspected of being under the influence of a serious of highly fashionable illegal substance) gives you carte blanche to design a game show. What do you come up with?

I’ve actually thought about this before, but you’d have the world’s most horrible bosses imaginable on the show, only they don’t know they’re horrible. You have a bunch of them competing against one another. They are asked a series of questions like:

1. How often do you reprimand an employee in front of other employees?
2. When is it all right to hover over your employees as they are typing a memo, or carrying out day to day tasks?
3. How often do you talk about your employees to other employees and staff?
4. When you have a project that has a 6 month deadline, do you start it immediately, or start it a month before the end date because you know you can galvanize the troops into getting the task done effectively?
5. How much confidence do you believe your staff and employees have in your leadership abilities?

Questions like that. Basically you give them a multiple choice list which are of course tied-in with the requisite percentage points. If by the end of the show they have garnered enough percentage points of how outrageously horrible a boss they are, then the person who nominated them for the show wins cash and prizes, while the bosses are exposed for the idiot he is. It would be hosted by Judge Judy! I’d name the show “THE CONFEDERACY OF DUNCES.” after the novel.

What is the number one bit of romantic advice you can divine for those who are unlucky in love (editor’s note: perhaps tying the advice with the upcoming Valentine’s Day Holiday Season?)

Hygiene is so important. If you try to kiss someone, and they can smell you before you reach them, you should think about that. Understand boundary issues and whether you have them. Wait for the “High sigh,” for permission to board a person. And lastly, and most importantly, if you’ve finally found someone who has consented to be seen with you in public, and they ask you the question, “Would you die for me?” Your answer should not be “No!: Instead, answer with the following: “Should the event present itself, I’d try my level best make sure we BOTH survive the experience!” In short: Chivalry is never dead, only slightly wounded. Or at the very least, it should be mildly singed!

You can find the full-size version of this cool horror Valentine shown here. Also, please enjoy this gallery of creepy vintage Valentines from ZOMBIE!, in addition to the Valentine’s Day-themed episode of our podcast. If you want to see more work by the artist behind today’s image, please visit his official website.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Special Thanks to ZOMBIE! and Corefolio for use of the image!

For those who are searching for unique horror items, one can’t beat Etsy.com. Each Tuesday, Gravedigger’s Local 16 aims to highlight one seller. If you’re looking to spruce up your look, redecorate your sanctorum or get a gift for that special something in your life, Etsy.com is your place for spooky econo.]

Tiger House Art
http://www.etsy.com/shop/TigerHouseArt

Gothic Macabre Art Print The Grim Reaper Memento Mori

Happy Valentine’s Day. This week’s edition will not deal with the holiday because you’re quite screwed if you haven’t bought anything for your significant other by now. You might even be dead, which is why the artwork of Tiger Art House is a perfect choice to line the lover’s coffin you will be sharing with no one save yourself, as your jilted lover is the first to cast her handful of dirt on your body when it lowers into the ground. Or, Tiger House Art will help you furnish that efficiency, studio apartment or doghouse that you’re moving into because you forgot, you nitwit/

A bit grim but what is love but a grim wage of life and death? Sometimes, you win. And sometimes, you’re staring up into the face of skeleton, one that’s holding your broken heart.

Tropical Tiki God Art Print

It might be time to switch pantheons. Whatever divine entity you aggravated with your romantic neglect has certainly abandoned you. Maybe you should go Polynesian? Why not? First off, there’s less clothing involved. Second, the music is incredible (ps. LISTEN TO KAVA KON.) Third, the drinks. Even if you’re drinking non-alcoholic items, tiki drinks glow, smoke and taste great. This Tiki God Art Print is a good start to getting in the good graces of something greater than you.

Skulldar The Misfortune Teller Dark Macabre Psychobilly Art Print

We’re not one to say “we told you so” and with this print of Skulldar The Misfortune Teller, we won’t have to. Look back upon your misfortune with the added pain of knowing that there WAS a way to avoid all this. You could have made it easier on yourself but you decided to go your own way. Had you consulted Skulldar, you would have at least known what troubles were in store for you so you could have adequately prepared for the moment when the tragedy struck and turned your life to slop.

Gothic Horror Art Print Beware Nosferatu Vampire Wall Poster

Though, Tiger House Art isn’t all about misfortune and death. Sometimes, it’s about vampires. Specifically, Nosferatu. They’re warning you about them, though. That’s nice, right? See, you had clear warning about forgetting a somewhat dishonest holiday, now what it being a pink and red boondoggle for mass produced sentiment. Sure, you knew all about the oncoming onslaught of cards and jewelry but chose not to heed the warning. You’ll think differently now, especially since the warning is about blood sucking nightmares that haunt the night!*

*Not going for the low hanging fruit there.

Dangerous Machine Steampunk Art Print Wall Decor

Let’s face it. Women. Vampires. There’s only one other real threat to you. Robots. Machines are wonderful items of mechanical whimsy but they’re also potential metallic death merchants. Be prepared. With you alienating your allies and loved ones through neglect, you’re going to be more susceptible to taking comfort in machines instead of real people. This will lead to your downfall, as they will manipulate your trust to ensure their dominance over your weakened mental and poorly frail flesh state. Beware. BEWARE.

Dance Macabre Gothic Medieval Art Print Set

Ultimately, we all die. We can’t avoid that. It’s a scary concept, that one day your consciousness will no longer be what it currently is. Whether you become a ghost or simply shut down, it remains the greatest mystery. This Dance Macabre print might lessen the fear, or heighten it. It might also remind you to focus on those connections you have, be they romantic or fraternal. Life ends, and whether it is fast and joyous or slow and arduous – life is a finite entity. You only get one so make use of it as much as possible. If you screw up, don’t abandon your life Instead, redecorate it. Rejuvinate. Celebrate the passing of the old and welcome the new. And buy these prints from Tiger House Art. They’re fantastic.

You can find the store here. And find yourself back here next week for another Tuesday uEtsy.

If ever I am to find a wife, have a kid and somehow raise them right that they make it to college, one of the fist bits of passing advice I will provide is that “hot sauce makes most bland shit palatable.” It’s true. During the tenure of tortilla trips and microwaved ramen noodles, the application of the concoction made life a little bit more interesting. When living in my first apartment and I needed to make a batch of Kraft mac & cheese, a few shakes made it seems for a moment that I wasn’t eating highly processed wheat detritus.

I didn’t grow up in a highly cultured environment, menu wise. That was not a fault of the family, mind you. Simply put, the backwoods of where I developed didn’t have a wide cuisine available.  A google search showed that only recently did an Indian restaurant open up in a neighboring town. It didn’t help that the Strange household wasn’t that rich. Iceberg lettuce and Chef Boyardee was more of an economic choice than one of taste. After relocating to the backwoods from the desert, we carried over a love of broke-southwest cooking so hotsauce became a staple. The poison of choice was Arizona Gunslinger for the longest time, though the Father Strange has, as of last switched over to Two Flaming Arrows. And now, I think I’ll make the transition over to one of Haunted Hotsauce’s trademark products.

(click for bigger)

I have to say that on presentation alone, Haunted Hotsauce has earned my business, When I retrieved the package from the local Post Office, I was treated to the above selection of four sauces, a roll of parchment with a special proclamation, some eyeball bubblegum and other delights in the packaging that made me smile. And I didn’t order the advance packaging, which comes in a handmade wooden casket (with includes mausoleum moss and maggots!)

I ordered a bottle of Mortician’s Mold and Fleshfeast 1, since they’re towards the lower end of the heat scale. I’m not someone who looks to eat the hottest stuff alive in suicide-by-food attempts with shit that is on parr with pepper spray. Seriously, I don’t understand why people keep breeding these insanity peppers, especially since the latest round of ‘hot peppers that kill’ have come from lily white Europeans. I’m comfortable with myself that I don’t need to inflict neurological damage when trying to eat a taco. Dummkopf.

The Undertaker, probably looking for a new client, included a bottle of Doyle’s Made In Hell and what I can only assume is a lifetime’s supply of Hell Razor, the hottest product available on HauntedHotsauce.com. A hearty thanks goes out for these two bottles, though at this point I haven’t opened them because I had no milk in the home. Once procuring a couple gallons or so, I will crack the bottle open on them and follow up this review. If I knock up the aforementioned hypothetical wife with that hypothetical child, I don’t have a bottle of champagne (‘popping corks,’ indeed) but I do have these bottles of hotsauce for a special occasion. Until then, Doyle Von Frankenstein continues to stare at me, daring me.

Click for bigger

Each of the products from Haunted Hotsauce, save the Doyle sauce, came with a toe-tag and a death shroud. It’s a lovely touch that, even if you don’t opt for the handmade coffin, makes each bottle a gift and an experience. Plus, when you’re opening up a new bottle for the first time, it’s kind of cool to think that you’re getting closer to death. Or, it’s terribly frightening. Either or.

The least hot item available is RottingFleshRadio.com’s Mortician’s Mold, which is pretty misleading since the damn sauce carries a kick to it. This isn’t weak, but it won’t kill you immediately.

Take a look at this picture:

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This stuff is GREEN and it’s not due to some artificial coloring and flavors. ALL NATURAL INGREDIENTS so this is pure damn green hell here. Now, if you can see those bits of darker spots? Flavor. You can tell with all the sauces, even just by looking at them through the bottle, that this is some quality food product full of robust flavor. I’m not bullshitting you.

See, when running out of some decent hot sauce, I’ve relied a lot on Texas Pete’s pepper sauce. Pepper Sauce, much like Tabasco, is vinegar with flavor. A lot of cheap-ass brands of ‘hot sauce’ list Tabasco as an ingredient. That’s kind of an indicator that someone skipped out on the quality. Not so with the Haunted Hotsauce. The Mortician’s Mold is a full flavored sauce. Very tasty. It’s not just jalapeno, as I could taste the garlic and onion. It’s a good blend and has some magical powers. No fooling – I screwed up some chili by adding more meat than expected, creating a sloggy stew. Some dash of the Mortician’s Mold brought that meal back from the dead.

Flavor over fire, any day.

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The original sauce that sprung the whole business, Fleshfeast, is cayenne based whereas Mortician’s Mold is jalapeno. The taste is different, of course, but the effect is similar – a robust flavor that has a strong kick that doesn’t overwhelm. There are two higher levels – Fleshfeast 2 and Fleshfeast 3 – that are higher in the heat index. But the basic level here that I tasted was strong enough to smart. But there wasn’t a bad aftertaste by those who rely heavily on vinegar or have a bad mix of ingredients. This was a tasty sauce, great for everyday use. I’ve busted it out on popcorn and the thickness of the sauce makes it look like the snack is splattered in blood. Very appropriate and delicious.

This is my new go-to hotsauce. It’s a great mix of flavor and heat that make life much better.

Head over to HauntedHotsauce.com and pick up a couple bottles for yourself. It’s a not a huge conglomerate but a very small business that I’m happy to support. If you’re throwing a party, these are great condiments to have and double-so if you’re a horror fiend. Do it. You won’t regret it.

Thanks goes out again for the additional review bottles of Doyle’s Made In Hell and Hell Razor. Look for a comprehensive review of the two later sauces probably sometime around Monday, February 27th. That’s if, y’know, I’m still alive by then. 

“Love is grand and ends up costing a couple grand once it’s done with you. In a Valentine’s day special, we get all lovey-dovey and hatey-matey on the 14th of February. With music from Bloodsucking Zombies From Outer Space, The Surf Zombies, Ding Dong Devils, The Phenomenauts, Dana Countryman and more. Listen and love or hear and hate. Whatever your heart desires.

We also christened our triple shot as Three Feet Deep. This episode features a trio of songs from Jim Vance, the creature behind Phantom Maximus, Ghost Runs Wild, Thee Wild Wraith and others.”

You can find all episodes of 6′+ over at the official site as well as on iTunes. We’re also on Facebook and Twitter.

A Handful of Dirt asks a person five questions they wouldn’t normally expect or receive in any other credible interview.

In consulting the Serendipiter Bag o’InquiryTM, we pose a series of questions to come up with a bit of knowledge unknown before – a handful of dirt.

Jim Warfield has been drawing and painting since he was 5 years old.  But it wasn’t until he was 38 that he was able to publicly show off his creativity in the guise of the Raven’s Grin Inn.  Part performance art, part art gallery Jim has become internationally known for not only his sense of humor and tours of his home but his ability to capture that same essence on paper and canvas.

Through luck and your uncanny skills at politicking, a significant portion of the world is named after you – where can we go to visit and what will we find when we get there?

Visiting that part of the world would only require a good night’s sleep because my part of the world would be a nocturnal dream playground of history (See “History’s Dumpster ) I have been there many times . The funny thing about it  ona technical side, is the indirect lighting. How does that work? I see no origin for the illumination, it’s not very well lit, just enough and we are all internally underground, inside our own mind’s synapses where history really does lie in wait via DNA micro circuits which are also one with everything that has passed before, as we were also there, in part, at least.

There is the old familiar ravine of cliffs and gullies and architectural parts and pieces of failed civilizations here and there, arranged not on top of one another but clear delineated for examination and enjoyment. No weather there, there is a roof an unseen one, filing these odd things away for ever.

You’re on a date with someone – they suggest catching a late night feature. What’s the title of the movie that makes you think “this one’s a keeper?”

Movie: “I Was Hitler’s Woman-The Herman Goering Story”

“You are such a guy, Herman, war hero, flying high above that hell on earth battlefield as I ran for my miserable life between the explosions all around me carrying scraps of paper back and forth as commanders had to tell each other that we were all dying there! How did you get to become a pilot?”

“I wish you wouldn’t ask such questions when we are in bed together, Adolf, it kind of distracts me and actually helps to kill the “Mood”.

“Just tell me if I’m “Hot” or “cold” when I give you a few of my guesses about that question that you don’t seem to wish to acknowledge, OK?”

“Can we do this with the lights “off”?

“NO! Positively NOT! Nein!”

“Well crap!”

“OK.’

“No! Don’t crap the bed again! At least stop yourself until I’m in position right under you, OK Love? You do make a real mess of shit, Herman.”

“That’s it! ”

“Wutt?”

“That is what we will call my aircraft factory to obscure my ownership of it (since my plane “won” the huge contract)

“Well, what are you going to call it then?”

“Mess-of-shitt!”

“Very clever, Herman, coded so the spies will not be able to figure out what were are building, since we are in violation of the accords. They will think it’s a sewer plant”

“Then when we engauge our full forces upon the unsuspecting world. they will be engulfed in that Mess-Of Shitt!”

“Swarms of shitters streaking across ..’

“The new sheet!”

“Whaa?”

“Pay attention to your bodilly functions at least a little bit, please!”

“By the way, Hermy, I need a new “beard”.

“You have a moustache, Adolf.”

“No, you know what I mean.”

“OH, well why did you shoot your Cousin anyway?”

“It was a misfortunate accdent, Herman.”

“Well, for Geilie, it sure was since her brain got deflated so quickly that dual snots pooped out of her nostrils half-way across the room!”

“All that brain -pressure pushing down on those mucus glands…”

“What color of a beard would you like this time Dolf?”

“I think a Braun one. Sort of one I could also bunker-down with when you ditch me Herman., I Know you are going to ditch me Herman, I KNOW IT! I KNOW IT!”

“Calm down Dolfer, you don’t want to start a war with me!”

“Well then, who may I start one with then?”

“Here, have a dart. Throw it at the map over there.”

What is the horror movie you like that most other people hate?

“HHHMM?”

I like some of the old horror movies that were black & white Silent masterpieces like “HAXAN” and Most of the rest of them made under such dire, crude circumstances when it must have taken a great deal of work to find financing and crew, ex cetra to even make anything happen , let alone the incredible products that came out, I mean they are just amazing works.

There are scenes in Haxan you will never see in another movie.

I must correct myself. The first time I saw Haxan we didn’t know there was a sound track, it’s in Danish? But it is a very old movie, maybe the sound track was added much later? Hard to tell when they are speaking in another language

What game would you make an Olympic sport?

US Men’s Bikini Thong roller blading team. My wife’s favorite sport from the comedy TV show The State, they did that.  Mine?

I think the 120 yard backwards hurtle dash. Imagine seeing trained athletes running backward  at high speed jumping the hurtles by guessing , counting steps, what a nutty watch this would be!

A whole new protective sports padding industry would spring to life, just as “Mother Necessity” shows up again.

Maybe the product spin off would create items for other people in other occupations, ex cetra from this endeavor?

The odd stresses placed upon a body running backwards might also lead to new health practises, exercises and the next thing we will be seeing would be the  class on “Biggest Loser” running backwards!

Redesigned shoes would be needed too. Maybe a special Winter race could be run through a snow-covered maze at night with a Jack Nicholson look alike chasing them?

This would be a kid’s race of course.

If you could use a mind control ray to contact every mind in the northern hemisphere, what would the message about a particular project you’re affiliated with (editor’s note: in this case, Ravens Grin Inn) that you would transmit?

Mind control over other people?

My message would say:”You need to be happy? You would like to feel better about life and self?

Why not?

You are smarter than they tell you, you know.

You can be a happier, better person, yes you can.

It all works from a small amount of selfishness (nobody will notice this selfishness)

Treat people better and most of them will think more highly of you. (I told you it was selfish, it is “about You”)

Maybe you just need a better night’s sleep to make it all happen?

After a day or two of making smarter choices and treating others better, you may find yourself laying down for the night more relaxed, less guilty, which can give you a better rest and when you wake.. you will feel better from all of the things I have just described.

We all have choices every moment, to frown or to smile, to say something nice or be somewhat nasty or to say nothing at all. Being a smarter person , you know you Do Have the choice in any situation.

Want to be happy? Happier? Go for it! Be selfish and be a smarter, nicer human being, sleep at night.

Be nice tomorrow.

The pleasure of a happy guilt-free mind is addictive. Let everyone you deal with everyday help you to achieve this, you need them to help, we all do.

Official Site

If thirteen random songs were picked from thirteen random CDs off of the thirteen (in reality, ten) shelves I have in my library, the album compiled together would be, odds on, a good representation of my musical interests. It wouldn’t be a complete picture and the styles and genres contained within this mix would range from one type to another. The same can be said of most anyone, though some people are more specialized than others. Mostly, I imagine that everyone had a diverse ear and that to assume that one person is straight up a single genre does them a great injustice.

Ergo, what happens when someone makes an album that can accurately represent them? A good answer to that question would be Bradley Tatum’s It’s a Beautiful World. Contained in this collection of songs is music ranging from punk to electronic, industrial to elegant Victorian arrangements to goth dance rave fantastico.

The album starts off with “Under The Storm Clouds,” a throwback to the 90′s goth-techno familiar to fans of VNV Nation, before shifting into a subtle electronica-versus-metal guitar track entitled “The Others.” The electronic is flavored with the 90s boon in the genre, but to confuse this for a straight up electric record would be a grave misunderstanding.

Bradley Tatum is the creator of the horror-punk label, Blood and Guts Records. But since closing the label to work as a creator and not just an overseer of other band’s music, Tatum has allowed his interests to flourish and experiment. The result is a body of work that frankensteins the many aspects of a life deeply involved in horror-music.

The industrial-goth influence of the 90’s is felt throughout the album, though it’s less thrash and more dance. It’s hard to peg it down. A remix of “The Others” might be in your next goth club DJ’s rotation, the Baroque “Midgaard celebration” might be played at a Steampunk convention. In addition, the title track is an elegantly arranged electronic piece that might have been out of the seventies. It’s what Devo would have sounded like if Lou Reed joined DEVO right away instead of forming the Velvet Underground.

The influence of publishing and distributing bands like Serpenteen, Casket Casey and Rival Skulls is seen on “The Human Experiment,” which is a horror punk song fueled by a butcher knife-guitar. “They’re Drawn To You” is a classic rock song in the purest, almost Ramonesque 50’s style influenced punk. It’s followed by one of the many instrumental songs on the album, the metal anthem “Raiders.”

I can see someone having a problem with the variety of It’s A Beautiful World, as the shift between guitar and electronic can be jarring for some people. It’s an album mixed, with melodic strumming bleeding from one track into another, while mechanical beats shift, pause and start up again. If one picks this up expecting one type of music from start to finish, they will be surprised.

You’ll be surprised when you listen to it because you’ll find that you like at least one song. Then, you’ll hear aspects of it in another and sooner than later, you’ll find that all music is related. Bradley Tatum has shown you the way and you will be forever in his debt.

[For those who are searching for unique horror items, one can’t beat Etsy.com. Each Tuesday, Gravedigger’s Local 16 aims to highlight one seller. If you’re looking to spruce up your look, redecorate your sanctorum or get a gift for that special something in your life, Etsy.com is your place for spooky econo.]

M.E. – More Everything
http://www.etsy.com/shop/MoreEverything

Caught sight of a hitchhiker taking advantage of the warmer weather for this time of year, dressed in a lighter coat with a pair of jeans. There was a bag down by his boots. There was no crudely marked sign telling where he intended to go. We don’t know if he was still there by time of this writing. Perhaps he caught a ride out of Leathbridge, having finished up his business after arriving. No one spoke of him but we haven’t asked anyone. Perhaps we’ll know more why he was here in the coming weeks.

Until then, you have better things, more IMPORTANT things to take care of. You have to buy things from M.E. – More Everything.

Punk Logic Undead Girl Fangirl T Shirt hand screenprinted FREE SHIPPING

Sometimes, you got to advertise the goods. “If you got it, flaunt it,” is the saying. And perhaps, it’s time to show off that you’re a proud, non-living entity identifying as gender female in this world. So, here you go. Direct communication is the best and that’s a lesson M.E. understands all too well. Purchase this shirt and send a telepathic TWEET to the central cortex of THE WORLD.

Vampire Stake Through the Heart – Hand-Carved Wooden Stake and Carnelian Sterling Silver Choker

Next week is Valentine’s Day. It doesn’t matter if you believe in it or not; it matters If the person you’re currently romantically involved with BELIEVES in it or not. Sometimes, roses don’t cut it (hint: roses usually cut it. Always send flowers, guys. Even if your lady protests, send flowers. And not just on Valentine’s day. If you’re in a steady relationship of more than five months, you can’t let three or four months go by without sending flowers.)

Ahem.

Sometimes, flowers don’t cut it (really, three times a year at least—)AND SOMETIMES you have to get them a piece of your heart, even if there’s a stake through it. Like this piece from M.E., you’ll be able to offer up a chunk of your most vital organ and present it with a sharpened piece of wood to pierce it. Cupid couldn’t have done it better.

Punk Logic Girlie Zombie Horde T Shirt hand screenprinted FREE SHIPPING

Make sure you’re never alone by taking a flesh-hungry mob with you wherever you go. Privacy is overrated and a shrinking luxury. Might as well go naked if they keep taking your clothes away, sock by sock, inch by fabric inch. Of course, you don’t have to go naked right now. In fact, we suggest you don’t. Instead, purchase this shirt and wear it. Make a statement. A statement that you will rather sick a horde of zombies than go naked.

Black Satin Ribbon Frankenstein Monster Choker FREE SHIPPING

If your lady is less in favor of stakes and more in favor of necks, here’s a lovely accessory that will catch the attention of any bloodsucker/suitor that may pass her way. Hopefully, you’re not the jealous type. Jealously clashes this time of year. Red and Green don’t go well together. That’s why Freddy’s sweater was those colors – it’s a pain on the eyes. M.E. knows this. That’s why they chose an elegant color to match the clasp on this choker. Trust them. They know what they’re doing.

Moonlight and Embers Fine Art Abstract Photograph Matted 5×7 Original FREE SHIPPING

M.E. doesn’t just offer clothing and jewelry. There is a line of vivid photography available for purchase. With this doomsday winter of warmth and cold striking different parts of the continental Unites States (and elsewhere in this wonderful, wicked world) it might be time to get some art in your life before it comes to an end. And it will come to an end. Enjoy it while you can.

You can find M.E. on Facebook under the Underculture Unlimited heading (www.facebook.com/ucunlimited ). This is their fan page for the shop, their blog, and everything else. As a note, “we give away something free with every 20th like (we’ll draw a name from the last 20).”

Find them on twitter: Sara is @mamasamess and Bryan is @odd_papa. Our Blog: www.blakowblog.com. we’ll be sure to link to the feature this week as well. And there’s Pinterest. Find them on mamasamess

Frankenstein
IMDB

Seeing Frankenstein is akin to seeing The Godfather, listening to The Beatles or seeing Hamlet on the stage. These are all the pieces of art that you’re TOLD are great that the priority to actually ENGAGE them is diminished. As a mental deviant, the ‘classics’ were always ‘uncool’ to me. The guy repping the Beatles in High School was as much as part of THE ESTABLISHMENT that it felt kind of dumb to fall in line. I always liked to champion those who don’t have a lot of people backing them up. It’s less “rooting for the underdog” and more “fighting for the freaks.”

With that said, I had not seen Frankenstein until a week and a half ago. Did I hate it? No. Is it great? Yes. Would someone who enjoys slashers like it? Don’t know but probably not.

It’s not a slow film, by any stretch. The pacing was refreshing but I can see how anyone under the age of 35 might get bored by it. It’s easy to follow. It’s beautifully shot. But the engagement is only skin deep. Mentally, we’re well acquainted with the idea of “a monster that isn’t pure evil” or “the good people are really doing bad things.” This is a common trope in comic books, cartoon shows and video games. However, eighty years ago, I can see how the portrayal of The Creature was somewhat innovating.

My real first introduction to Frankenstein was actually a stage production of the original Mary Shelley work. For some odd reasons, my school held an assembly in the auditorium where grades 8-12 watched a trio of performers act out the tale of Victor Frankenstein, his wife Elizabeth and the creature.

Shocking! The novel ‘Frankenstein’ wasn’t required reading in any of my English Classes (and looking back, I wish it was, trading ‘The Crucible’ or another reading of ‘Huckleberry Finn’ for something a little more stimulating) so when this material was presented without a flat-top mumbling Karloff-knock off, I was kind of into it. It was weird. The monster spoke, was intelligent and the whole play was pretty rad. I would come to read later, through Frankenstein: A Cultural History and The Monster Show on how the novel had been adapted for the stage long before the movies came calling.

The movie Frankenstein shares the name with the original work but it was a strange, slightly disrespectful adaptation of the original work, a habit that continues in today’s Hollywood. Dr. Frankenstein (here Henry instead of Victor) is never clear on his motivation for bringing his creation for life. Karloff’s now standard performance of the creature eschews the intelligence the novel’s creature gleams through observance for a child’s innocence.  Where the novel is more involved in making you think, the movie is more into giving you something to look at.

Thankfully, being a classic means there will be a great preservation effort so the quality of both the visual and audio of this eighty-plus year old film remains clear.

The story, if you don’t know, is that Henry Frankenstein aims bring his creation to life from a bevy of corpse parts.

Good nature folk if ever there were.

When his assistant, Fritz, screws up a brain-swipe (dropping the NORMAL brain and stealing the CRIMINAL brain) which brings in an element of DOOM, one that is shrugged off when Henry’s fiancé (Elizabeth) and friend (Victor) arrive to persuade him to stop being such a damn recluse and get married.

Victor, Henry and Elizabeth

However, they arrive TOO late, as the monster is brought to life.

Fritz gets on the creature’s bad side by waving a torch around in the thing’s face. Eventually, Fritz ends up dead (c’mon, piss off a dude with FIRE for so long and it happens.) Henry realizes how he has fucked up and thus, sentences the creature to die.

Seriously, Fritz. Knock it off.

Henry’s doctor ally attempts a vivisection of the still living creature. This is dumb, as you might expect it to be. Doc doesn’t last long and it becomes CREATURE ON THE LOOSE in some generic Germanic setting.

One of the more notorious scenes is when the Creature tosses a little girl into a pond, thinking she would float. This got a lot of people riled up back in the thirties because killing kids was bad shit, I guess. I was more concerned that the kitten little Maria had with her when she first appeared. While I know that her drowning was staged, I couldn’t be too sure that the Universal film crew would take the same care for a cat.

I was only worried about the ACTUAL safety of one of the two living things pictured here.

It’s Maria’s death that brings the angry mob together. Pitchforks and torches! Hunt the monster!

The girl makes for a good corpse.

Ultimately, the creature is cornered in the mountains. Frankenstein and the creature square off in an abandoned windmill. Henry gets knocked out and though assumed dead, the movie closes on a scene indicating he’s alive.

The creature? He gets trapped in a burning building, condemned to burn by the crowd.

The REAL end to the movie.

And that’s Frankenstein. The iconic movie that imprinted so heavily on our culture, Frankenstein remains a classic in the truest sense of the word. It’s not perfect. Colin Clive’s voice is too elderly for my own preferences. Dwight Frye as Fritz steals the scene whenever he’s in it, simply from his dramatic and outlandish acting style. Compared to today’s computer generated backgrounds, seeing a backdrop was kind of refreshing. Everything on set has a cheapness to it but it is endearing. I’ve become so numbed and jaded with how modern movies look that this older film has a charm to it.

The tacked on bits on either end—the prologue with Edward Van Sloan and the ending with Baron Frankenstein saying that his son is alive, resting in bed—are excessive, though necessary for different reasons. The first was to assuage anyone thinking that a movie about a man who can create life wasn’t blasphemous. Which, it was but having Van Sloan say “THIS IS A STORY IT’S NOT REAL” at the front was enough to placate the fundies. The ending? Probably to give things a positive spin. Creature dead, humans alive

My tuxedo is my authority.

The movie’s short (68 minutes) so if you haven’t seen it, definitely throw it on while you’re off doing something in front of a screen. Your life will be better for it.

A Handful of Dirt asks a person five questions they wouldn’t normally expect or receive in any other credible interview.

 
In consulting the Serendipiter Bag o’InquiryTM, we pose a series of questions to come up with a bit of knowledge unknown before – a handful of dirt.

Considered a prodigy in his early years, Brian J. Orlowski set out immediately to disprove that moniker in great success. In the late 80’s and early 90’s, Brian became a stand-up comic (actually fairly good) and performed over a hundred times across the north New Jersey area.

Brian has been a graphic artist, technical artist, comic book colorist, multimedia specialist and eked out a certificate from the prestigious Joe Kubert School of Cartooning and Graphic Arts. He is a regular contributor to Girls & Corpses magazine and several other publications suffering from a lack of public awareness.

Brian’s first book, Strange Guts: American Septic, a collection of over 100 single-panel cartoons is available on Amazon.com and BarnesandNoble.com. It is the Far Side meets the Evil Dead. Gory, gruesome and goofy. “Strange Guts is a red-blooded horror fan’s answer to Peanuts, replacing the cute dog with explosively funny gore. I love it.” Andrea Amanda Albin, Bloody-Disgusting.com

He lives at home with his large, stinky dog, Abigail, and antisocial cat, Buddy. Every year Brian travels to the arctic to participate in the running of the lemmings. He is currently taking an online skydiving course.

Which comic book character would you do unscrupulous things in order to write/draw professionally?

If you asked me years ago I would’ve said Spider-Man. He was the greatest thing in the world to me as a kid. Now, I’d kill to have my own zombie series, like the Walking Dead. Not only are the undead fun to read and look at, they’re cool to draw. There’s no limit on deterioration, damage and gore. The messier the better. Plus, drawing dead people eating living people is just plain fun. Now I’m hungry. I like bacon. Bacon and dead people. But not both for food. Well, not normally.

What is a movie you like that would shock people if they found out that it was one of your favorites?

I think my taste in movies and my DVD/Blu-ray collection is pretty standard. 99% horror. I guess the 1% that would surprise anyone would be that I like digital animation movies. Ice Age, The Incredibles, Up. I have a bunch. I dig them. They make me feel young. Which is very hard to do. I think that the fact that I really like The Three Amigos would surprise peeps. Plain, stupid, fun. Kind of like me. 80’s comedy dreck like Spies Like Us and Funny Farm is a good way to kill a few hours and brain cells. But then again, so is vodka.

Being that you’re crazy rich and just crazy, you’ve decided to have an all day film festival at your theater – what are the movies you show?

If I’m the only one attending then it would be non-stop porn. But if I have to invite the general public it would obviously be a horror-athon. I’d start it with real classics like The Blob, Them and Night of the Living Dead. Move up to the 70’s with Halloween and Dawn of the Dead. Have to get The Thing in there. Evil Dead II, Aliens. Probably end on Shaun of the Dead. That movie is still tops on my list. If I included all my favorites, then the festival would take days. But I’d really rather have some Vivid movies in 3D on the big screen. And plenty of Kleenex on hand (pun intended).

What single piece (editor’s note: in this case, artwork wise. Bonus: please link if available) do you think is the best representation of your talent and personality as a creative mind?

I’m pretty tough on myself. I don’t think I’m a great artist. I draw well enough to get the job done. I think I’m more of a humorist. If I could actually get onto paper what was in my head I’d be serving time in an institution somewhere. Again. You can’t make me go back! No more pills! But if I had to choose what I’m probably happiest with then there’s Creepy Gene and my most appreciated gag is Achieved the Impossible . I think my Photoshop pieces make me the happiest ( http://www.drawnofthedead.com/photoshop.htm).

What was the best book you read within the last year?

Aside from my own? I mean, really, my book is fantastic! But kidding aside, I’ve read a lot in the past year. I thought What the Night Knows by Dean Koontz was one of his better books. The Warded Man by Peter V. Brett was pretty spectacular as a fantasy/horror combo. Several of Tim Dorsey’s books, I totally dig his frantic, ADHD writing style and violent humor. The best, and it’s an oldie, was I actually read Clive Barker’s novella of Hellraiser for the first time. It was phenomenal; the man’s language is unbeatable. But then again, Clive never created cartoons like I do. How do you spell narcissist? Which is almost an anagram of antichrist. Odd how that is.

Zombiethon is a collection of clips from Zombie, Zombie Lake, Oasis of the Zombies, Fear, The Invisible Dead, A Virgin Among The Living Dead and The Astro-Zombies interspersed with original sequences featuring zombies chasing people into a zombie-filled theater playing the clips. The back cover mentions White Zombie, but no clips from that are present in this (or the original VHS version). The seemingly unrestored VHS quality transfer admittedly does help capture the “Grindhouse” look of the films, although the fulscreen transfer doesn’t. There’s some print damage and the occasional shifting colors, but it’s definitely watchable. While it mostly shows condensed “only the best parts” (and thus chock-full of spoilers) versions of the films (reminding this reviewer of 8mm releases by both Castle and Ken films), there is one point where only a single lengthy clip from A Virgin Among The Living Dead (aka Christine, Princess of Eroticism) is shown. I think that’s for the best, as the film does start to drag by that point and the film in question is easily the worst zombie film I’ve ever seen.

The original zombie effects, created by Joe Reader and Dr. David Lady, are neat-looking and appropriately match the film’s somewhat comedic tone. I particularly liked the armored cyborg zombie. Zombiethon does cheat at times, as Fear (aka Murder Syndrome) only has a single shot of a zombie and The Invisible Dead (aka Dr. Orloff’s Invisible Monster) doesn’t actually feature any zombies, only an invisible gorilla! Otherwise, Zombiethon is a fun way to spend a little over an hour.

White Slave claims to be based on a true story, but, given my inability to find any information about Catherine Miles and the story and screenplay credit, I find that claim very suspect. In any case, the film is about the ordeals Catherine Miles had to go through in a South American headhunter village after her parents were brutally murdered during a family boat trip. Stripped and humiliated by the tribe, Catherine has to endure graphic slaughter, (unsimulated) animal fights, attempted rape and wars with a rival tribe of cannibals all while trying to escape. The fullscreen transfer has plenty of print damage and video glitches over its roughly hour and a half runtime, along and a few audio issues but it’s honestly not the worst transfer I’ve ever seen. Although no cannibalism is shown, the film is clearly trying to ape everything included in the likes of Cannibal Holocaust and Cannibal Ferox, right down to the nudity and use of stock footage. Presumably this is why it is known as Cannibal Holocaust II in some markets. Speaking of which, there are some moments where the color appears to be incredibly faded, which I suspect is due to the age of the stock footage used. While not as gory as others in the genre, the gore scenes are fairly over the top and is only fairly fakey. Sleaze enthusiasts should enjoy this one.

In Mutant Hunt, the evil owner of a corporation uses serum to make cyborgs into violent killers. How are cyborgs mutants? Well, it turns out the serum causes deformities and…well, that’s the best explanation we’re going to get. In any case, the cyborgs get loose and go on a rampage, all while the sister of their creator has to avoid capture and find the one man who can stop them: Matt Riker, mercenary. Mutant Hunt is a must-see for all fans of cheesy 80′s films. This one has it all, hilarious “futuristic” clothing, martial arts brawls, bad (but cool) special effects, goofy music and casual references to things like the “space shuttle sex murders!” What’s not to love? The fullscreen VHS quality transfer has only minor print damage and is the least problematic transfer when compared to the other two films. In short, it’s 73 minutes of unintentional comedy gold.

That said, the print of the film MGM uses for cable and VOD showings is far superior to this. I have also heard rumblings of a similarly improved Zombiethon print from MGM! What gives? Interestingly enough, White Slave is available on DVD from both Bloody Earth Films and Media Blasters (under the name Amazonia: The Catherine Miles Story). I can’t comment on the quality of those transfers, though.

All the films have chapter stops, but no chapter selection menu. The extras are all the same on each disc, many of which are exactly the same as the ones found on Killer Eye: Halloween Haunt. There’s the ad for hauntedcasinos.com, along with the “Grindhouse Promo” and trailers for Killer Eye: Halloween Haunt, Evil Bong 3: The Wrath of Bong, The Gingerdead Man 3: Saturday Night Cleaver, Killjoy 3, Puppet Master: Axis of Evil and Skull Heads.

The only new extra is the “Charles Band Grindhouse Intro,” an informative eight minute discussion of the origin of the Grindhouse name (Band says it fits the grittier 70′s/80′s films, but I also think it’s a handy way of explaining the less-than-stellar A/V quality), the origins of the compilation films and provides some details on the filming of Savage Island It’s great quality and widescreen, and there’s not much else to say.

Of the three, I enjoyed Zombiethon and Mutant Hunt the most. It’ll be very interesting to see whether or not we’ll be seeing more of the Full Moon Grindhouse Collection.

Special thanks to Full Moon Features for the review copy!

[For those who are searching for unique horror items, one can’t beat Etsy.com. Each Tuesday, Gravedigger’s Local 16 aims to highlight one seller. If you’re looking to spruce up your look, redecorate your sanctorum or get a gift for that special something in your life, Etsy.com is your place for spooky econo.]

The Art of Chuck Hodi
http://www.etsy.com/shop/chuckhodi

Print 5×7″ – Wolfman

The art of Chuck Hodi sticks with you long afer you stopped viewing th epiece, in similar fashion to car wrecks and most religious experiences. There’s something about this artwork that is both equal parts amazing and creepy that can’t be easily shaken.

A master of reproducing the famous monsters of filmland, Hodi has a great knack for producing some really sick original pieces. There’s something about the man’s sense of humor that might get him locked up someday. But, until then, let us enjoy his work.

Print 8×10″ – Vincent Price – Horror Vintage Halloween Gothic Spooky Creepy Hollywood Monster Creature

Throughout his etsy store, you’ll find pieces that feature some of the stage and screen’s stars (and scars) such as the maestro Price, pictured here. From Ted Bundy to Pee Wee Herman, Huch Hodi has someone waiting for you to be hung up on your wall.

The Androgynous Ant – Original Drawing

Some of his originals are pretty demented. We don’t toss that word around lightly. Seriously, there’s something rather bizarre about pieces like this one, the Adrogynous Ant. It might get you in trouble with the law or your significant other when you purchase this but maybe you’re that type of an outlaw mind. We dare you.

Print 8×10″ – Elvira – 80s

Sometimes, Hodi’s art style really prestens a subject in a light that is excellent. This picture of the 80′s horror host, Elvira, maintains the woman’s sexiness as well as the punk rock/new wave style that she exibitted when she first came out on the scene. It’s very wild, and Hodi’s paintbrush was able to catch that feeling.

Print 11×14″ – Edgar Allan Poe

Similarly, the business of Hodi’s lines with this portrait of Poe shows a disturbed and busy mind, caught up in a thought process that produced a collection of classic literature of the macabre. Of course, it could also just be how Poe is disappointed with Baltimore’s failing at the recent playoffs – either way.

Print 8×10″ – Couple

Valentine’s day is coming up. That’s all what we’re saying on that.

You can see all of Chuck Hodi’s paintings at his Etsy store. And you’ll see us again, next week, when we return with another edition of Tuesday uEtsy.

It was supposed to be a night of spooky fun. Jenna had invited her friends over to help set up her family’s annual haunted house and watch movies. But a combination of occult forces from her mother’s working crystal ball and some of her pals dancing suggestively in front of said ball have somehow brought one of the haunt’s props, a replica of the titular character from Full Moon’s The Killer Eye, to life. Now the girls are hunted down one by one, with the eye alternately attempting to impregnate or kill them. Can they resist the living movie monster or is the planet doomed to be a real horror flick?

I must admit, I was very surprised to see The Killer Eye get a sequel. As far as I’m concerned, it was an embarrassingly cheap movie from the time when Full Moon was suffering from serious financial woes that (in my experience) was best known by many for how the box art recycled themes from the Wizard Video release of Headless Eyes. Truth be told, I suspect that the sequel was made to take advantage of the Eye’s power to mind control/arouse women into removing their clothes, given how the cast is made of entirely of beautiful women and there’s wall-to-wall nudity. I found it interesting how the Killer Eye prop looked more realistic before it came to life. In all fairness though, the living eye prop from this film was light years ahead of the one used in the original (which can be seen countless times due to use of clips from the original playing on a TV). While several spooky haunted house props feature prominently on the cover art, they were thankfully not brought to the life in the film itself. The film also has tons of blatant injokes and plugs for Full Moon films, like the characters discussing Evil Bong and characters donning masks of Killjoy and the Gingerdead Man! That all said, it’s definitely a better movie than the original.

Full Moon’s DVD presents the film in a beautiful widescreen transfer, aside from the occasionally shimmering in the background at times. The audio is clear and while there are chapter stops, there is sadly no chapter selection menu. This could be a player issue, but I found that hitting “Root Menu” on my remote did not work properly at any point on the DVD. As the film is just barely over an hour long, Full Moon has seen fit to cram in a big selection of extras. In addition to the ad for hauntedcasinos.com at the beginning, there’s the Grindhouse Promo Trailer, Far Out Youtube Videos and Full Moon trailers. The Grindhouse Promo is a roughly three minute trailer for Full Moon’s Grindhouse Collection, which features ten films from Charles Band’s past. The fullscreen clips are all windowboxed and are of old VHS quality. I found it interesting how, in addition to pointing out when celebrities appeared in the films (usually prior to “making it”), they saw fit to put black bars over the nude scenes. Given that this was not the case in the releases themselves (and not the case in the main feature), it seems like an odd decision.

The “Far Out Youtube Videos” consist of A Cult Influence, My Super Ex Grudge, The Raven and Roid Rage. The first film packs tons of information (along with cool artwork and film clips) into its just under 10 minute running time. The mini-documentary’s narrator analyzes just what makes a film a cult film by interviewing everyone from the owners of places like the Hyaena Gallery and Eddie Brant’s Saturday Matinee, but also people involved in the cult film business. Although shot on video, the quality is very nice (save for a few instances). Sadly, the film is obviously cropped to appear widescreen.

My Super Ex Grudge is a hilarious parody of Ju-on: The Grudge wherein a man pays the price for dumping Kayako. It packs a lot into its five minute runtime, including a must-see end credit sequence and references to various female horror icons. It’s also SOV, but not obnoxiously so. The Raven and Roid Rage are fairly quick trailers for two upcoming films, with the amazingly awesome ad for the story of a killer hemarroid being my favorite of the two.

The trailers are for Killer Eye: Halloween Haunt, Evil Bong 3: The Wrath of Bong, The Gingerdead Man 3: Saturday Night Cleaver, Killjoy 3, Puppet Master: Axis of Evil and Skull Heads. All of said trailers are widescreen and of good quality. Interestingly enough, the trailer for the main program seems to indicate that the killer eye is from the 8th dimension (as was the case in the original film), rather than some mystical force imitating the movie monster.

I’ve felt for some time that Full Moon has switched its target audience from older movie fans to a younger male demographic and this film has confirmed that to me. The overt references to smoking weed and the female nudity that make up most of the plot made this very clear to me. Don’t get me wrong, Full Moon does still support other viewers, it just seems to me that they’ve change. One last thought: When you get right down to it, it’s simply ridiculous that an eyeball-looking creature would be sexually attracted to human women. It’s like a human being going to another dimension and wanting to impregnate some Lovecraftian monstrosity with little human beings for eyes.

Special thanks to Full Moon Features for the review copy!

So, if you haven’t already, please do us (and yourself) a huge favor by signing up for membership at the Classic Horror Film Board and post your seconding of the about nominations here. The more we get, the better chances we’ll have of getting on the ballot. Besides, you’ll also be a part of a really cool place to discuss classic horror films!

“Ah, the CHILDREN OF THE NIGHT! They make such beautiful music. Wait – no.They’re cold! And they’re hungry! It’s winter and it’s time to get hairy with all the WEREWOLVES. We’ve got tons for you. What is a metric ton of werewolf, you ask? Good questions.

Debuting this episode is the Monstermatt Minute. We spruced up the GdL16 recap as well. All of this comes with music from The Young Werewolves, Nox Arcana, Koffin Kats and more!”

You can find all episodes of 6′+ over at the official site as well as on iTunes. We’re also on Facebook and Twitter.