After finding the material for yesterday’s entry, I decided to mess around with Google Books some more. I was hoping to find material on haunted hayrides (especially if there were any books devoted to creating and running one), but what I found was so much more bloggable.
You see, I found a page from Guy Gets Girl, Girl Gets Guy: Where to Find Romance and What to Say When You Find It by Larry Glanz and Robert H. Phillips. Not only does it more or less suggest that you sit near someone you’re attracted to in the hopes that they’ll get scared and grab onto you, but it actually offers up some sample pick-up lines. Said pick-up lines range from painfully bland to some of the most awful, cringe-inducing attempts at humor I’ve ever encountered. I even skimmed through some of the other sample pages and found that the lines only get worse. I’m honestly shocked they didn’t suggest doing the old “hole in the popcorn tub” trick during the section on trying to pick up someone at the movies.
The book itself seems to be a 2003 reprint of their 1994 book, How to start a romantic encounter: where to go to find love and what to say when you find it. To me, this makes description of a haunted hayride as a “…new type of hay ride” to be particularly bizarre. The last time I checked, haunted hayrides have been around since at least the 1980s. There is simply no excuse for a 1994/2003 book to refer to them as being a “new” type of attraction.
Would Gravedigger’s Local 16 be setting itself up for potential legal trouble if I recommended that the proper response to someone using any of the lines from this book would be a shift kick to the nethers? Probably? Well, then I didn’t just type that.
UPDATE: Back when I first wrote this, I assumed it would be obvious how Strange Jason and I were kidding around at the end of this article. But since many people online seem hellbent on not using their common sense, I now feel compelled to point this out. Despite our both thinking poorly of the advice given in the above book, we don’t actually advocate using physical violence on anyone using these pick-up lines. Oh, and it turns out haunted hayrides actually date back to the 1970s. Just thought I might as well throw that in there as well.