Tuesday uEtsy: Jackie Hates You

[Etsy.com’s tagline is “Buy, Sell, and Live Handmade.” Coincidentally, there’s a lot of spooky on Etsy, and each Tuesday, we highlight one of the sellers. If you’re looking to spruce up your look, redecorate your tomb or get a gift for that special something in your afterlife, Etsy.com is a place for spooky econo.]

Jackie Hates You (jackiehatesyou.etsy.com)

Folks, it’s alright to hate – if you hate the right things. We’re not fond of moral relativism here at the Local since it opt to leads people to question reputable sources under the ‘Who’s to say?’ Who’s to say how deep a body should be buried? Who’s to say when to engage in proper excavation rites? Who’s to say if it’s right or wrong to use the recently dead as extras in your community theatre’s production of ‘South Pacific?’

Moral mucking is something meant for filmmakers and philosophers. Here, it’s okay to hate. It’s good to hate fear, hate weakness and hate annoying people talking loudly on cellphones while you wait to order a burger during your lunch break.

That’s where this week’s Tuesday uEtsy, Jackie Hates, You comes in. There’s plenty of inappropriately ways to display your hate and very few socially acceptable ways. As you can see from the woman’s t-shirt below, you can proudly display your hate in a way that makes it attractive and sensible.

Granted, and we say this with little involvement, there’s the term ‘hater’ out there. And, as such a phrase has come of it – “hater’s gonna hate.” And if you hate, or hate haters, you’re pretty much establishing that it’s okay to hate since there’s little to be done about it. So be it the object or the source of the hate, hate goes and hate does.

Of course, there’s plenty more than the HATE brand offered by Jackie Hates You. Notice the fine jewelry offered – as this large black skull poison ring. How better to display this hate than by slipping some liquid arsenic into the diet Pepsi of the office coworker who keeps forwarding you those email-chain letters warning you against the death of Christmas or how your elected official is secretly a lizard person? (Note: DON’T DO THIS ANY OF THIS: POISONING PEOPLE OR FORWARDING THOSE EMAILS! damn. really, people.)

Perhaps you hate all those dudes who think that some splattering of grease paint and some old clothes makes an “hip, edgy ‘Dark Knight’ Heath Ledger Joker costume.” Or perhaps you really love bats. Hate or love, this is a really neat bat necklace offered by Jackie Hates You.

Perhaps it’s Valentine’s day or you’ve been dumped or perhaps you just hate all things good and lovely? Jackie’s got you hooked up with this black anatomically correct heart. Deflate those helium-filled nitwits who keep talking about Cupid and chocolates and blah blah blah with this fantastic necklace. Or, use it as a method to cheat on a biology test and show your hate for both Mrs. Brown and THE MAN for holding you back.

If by now, you don’t see how hate can be fun and somewhat profitable, we can’t help you. I think it’s been spelled out in big bold black letters so you might as well just send all your money to Jackie and hope that you somehow absorb a clue by the time it arrives. One of the finer things you can buy is this fashionable Skull and Crossbones pendant, which will at least make it look like you’re one creature who knows where to direct some darkness and fury, even if you listen to nothing but Swedish Children’s Techno while painting pink smiley faces on unused popsicle sticks.

Be sure to visit Jackie Hates You on Etsy and check out all the classy and demonstrative products that you can use in every functionable aspect of your life. And be sure to check back here next week for another Tuesday uEtsy.

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