Bruce and Sam v. The Evil Dead

By now, you’ve probably read that the Evil Dead remake won’t include the main character, Ash, in any form. Bruce Campbell won’t show up as an aged S-Mart employee doling out advice to some new bunch of saps who happened to read from the Necronomicon. Sure, Bruce will be in the film but not as Ash.

Problems? Eh. I don’t have a problem with this. I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t really get pissed off at remakes anymore, since the derivative nature of the movie industry will continue to mine nostalgia and comfort for money. Sure, when they remake ‘Citizen Kane’ or ‘The Godfather,’ it’ll unleash a portal into the chittering unreality where foul monsters will teach us a new way to worship. But I think that’s what? Five, maybe ten years away? They still have to remake Disney’s “The Black Hole” first. So speaks the prophecy.

Anyway. Evil Dead is going to be done again and this time, they’ll find some other actor to do his or her best Ashley J. Williams impression while giving it a 2012 twist. Look, don’t you know? Sam Raimi and Bruce Campbell have been in the process of remaking Evil Dead for twenty years. They’ve just been doing it in other movies, one scene at a time. Did you see Spider-Man 2? Did you see the scene where Doctor Octopus’s arms came alive? Hell, let me find it.


Hell, half of Darkman is Campbell and Raimi¬†screwin’ around. Don’t throw up any rage at the idea of this venerable horror classic somehow being tarnished. The whole legacy is rusty as a bloody chainsaw.

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