What Gives?

Toho has been paying money out of their own pocket for English language dubs of Godzilla movies for ages and American distributors rarely create their own Godzilla dubs these days. So why hasn’t Toho edited together and dubbed the Godzilla-related episodes of the television series Zone Fighter into movies they can license overseas? It’s been decades since the series was released and it’s clear nobody is going to license and dub the series for them. Toho has the money and stock footage necessary to turn selected episodes into a small catalog of films, so why haven’t they done it? Given how easily news of movies featuring previously unseen (in America) Godzilla footage will be twisted into “lost Godzilla movies,” the potential for big publicity could lead to bigger profits. I simply cannot comprehend why they haven’t done this already.

I’m surprised Svengoolie hasn’t been one of the hosts for Universal’s Halloween Horror Nights. They have already used hosts like Elvira and the Crypt Keeper in the past and Sven primarily shows films from the Universal library. One would think they’d be eager to capitalize on both the connection and popularity of Svengoolie.

Given its potential as an untapped comedy goldmine, it’s amazing how the Monster in My Pocket: Monster Rock cassette hasn’t become an internet sensation. I can barely find anything about it online. What makes this even more unusual is how I distinctly remember one of the tracks having lyrics to the effect of “I have a monster in my pocket and I really like to rock it!” How has the internet not taken that and run with it?

The days of 1-900 numbers are pretty much over, so why haven’t the owners of the various defunct scary stories hotlines tried dumping the contents of the master tapes onto the various streaming and digital download services? I know some fan put 45 minute long compilation of material from the Freddy Krueger 1-900 number, so it’s not like there’s too little material to work with.

How on Earth did Mattel beat out Kenner’s successor Hasbro in getting the new Ghostbusters license? There are so many toys from the old The Real Ghostbusters toy line they could have reused the molds for. Just put them into packages with images referencing the 2016 movie and you’re golden!

Various independent comic book companies have published comics which show new stories from horror franchises. Will anyone take the plunge and do something similar with the Waxwork films? Seeing how the people who visited the titular establishment and were killed off prior to the events of the first movie could be fun. The unseen adventures of Mark Loftmore which were so casually mentioned in Waxwork II: Lost in Time could also be a rich source of material.

Why hasn’t there been a definitive book about operating a haunted hayride? Find resources on setting up and running haunted houses and haunted trails can be easily found, but haunted hayrides have been unfairly left out in the cold. The only thing that comes even remotely close is Haunted Farms of America. There are plenty of haunted hayrides which have long since closed down. I can understand someone who currently owns a haunted hayride wouldn’t take on such a project in the fear of creating more competition, but what about the people who have closed down their hayrides years ago. You would think at least one of the former owners would release a book on the matter to make some easy money.

Both Doctor Who and all things Lovecraft are wildly popular. This is true in terms of audio dramas as well, with Big Finish even having a line called Doctor Who: The Lost Stories devoted to dramatizing unused scripts from the program. One such script was for “Avatar,” which was heavily influenced by the works of H.P. Lovecraft. But despite the potential from getting extra money from Lovecraft fanatics (and potentially getting them hooked on Doctor Who in the process), that particular script remains unadapted!

It boggles my mind how a role-playing game company created an adventure module based around a non-fantasy Midnight Syndicate album and yet nobody has done the same for Nox Arcana’s Blood of the Dragon.

How has all this time passed without any studio snapping up the rights to the Super Scary Stories for Sleep-Overs line of books? I think they would be the basis for a great series of horror anthology movies. I remember one tale about two children communicating with a restless spirit whose corpse is buried under a house which was particularly chilling. At least they would be paying for the name recognition and the rights to use original stories, unlike the proposed Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark movie where the company is paying to use the name for a film adapting folk tales and urban legends they could have basically done on their own without paying extra. Seeing as how Brilliance Audio made audio versions of the old Goosebumps wannabe Strange Matter back in 2008, I’m sure there would be an audience for an adaptation of this lesser known 90’s series as well.

Halloween music sharing blogs are very popular despite their tendency to get shut down due to copyright issues. But even then the owner of the blog usually tries to switch hosting services in order to keep things going. So why not switch over to Halloween music that’s available under a Creative Commons license? They could host stuff for free over at the Internet Archive (assuming the albums aren’t there already) without any worry. Fear of getting the blog shut down due to accidental use of Creative Commons material which utilizes copyrighted works can’t be an issue, as people who run such blogs already don’t seem to care about copyrights. That said, I personally do think it would be better if they stuck with Creative Commons material that is completely original in order to avoid the issue altogether.

Most discussions of Robot Monster claim it was shot in 4 days and note how the titular character is realized through the use a gorilla costume with a domed helmet because it was less expensive than renting or building a robot costume. It has been documented George Barrows supplied his own gorilla costume and acted in the film for $40 per day. This works out to a grand total of $160. I seriously doubt it would have cost more than $160 to scrounge up some cardboard boxes and silver paint to create a more traditional robot costume. Were they really that blind to the matter?

Is it just me or has the Halloween and haunted attraction community all but ignored the possibilities offered by the “Airwalker” balloons? They seem fairly easy to dress up given how they have to be assembled and some of them are positioned in the classic crouch already! Their seeming to move based on air currents will leave people guessing whether or not they are looking at a lifeless dummy or not. One can only imagine the possibilities if they were already available looking like frightening monsters.

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