"What is he that builds stronger than either the mason, the shipwright, or the carpenter?"
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Frankenstein
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Seeing Frankenstein is akin to seeing The Godfather, listening to The Beatles or seeing Hamlet on the stage. These are all the pieces of art that you’re TOLD are great that the priority to actually ENGAGE them is diminished. As a mental deviant, the ‘classics’ were always ‘uncool’ to me. The guy repping the Beatles in High School was as much as part of THE ESTABLISHMENT that it felt kind of dumb to fall in line. I always liked to champion those who don’t have a lot of people backing them up. It’s less “rooting for the underdog” and more “fighting for the freaks.”

With that said, I had not seen Frankenstein until a week and a half ago. Did I hate it? No. Is it great? Yes. Would someone who enjoys slashers like it? Don’t know but probably not.

It’s not a slow film, by any stretch. The pacing was refreshing but I can see how anyone under the age of 35 might get bored by it. It’s easy to follow. It’s beautifully shot. But the engagement is only skin deep. Mentally, we’re well acquainted with the idea of “a monster that isn’t pure evil” or “the good people are really doing bad things.” This is a common trope in comic books, cartoon shows and video games. However, eighty years ago, I can see how the portrayal of The Creature was somewhat innovating.

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Full Moon has seen fit to release ten titles from Charles Band’s early days: Auditions, The Best of Sex and Violence, Dreamaniac, Famous T&A, Filmgore, Mutant Hunt, Necropolis, Savage Island, White Slave and Zombiethon. The reason why this collection of both theatrical and direct-to-video release is labeled “Grindhouse” will be revealed later, but first here’s a look at three of the films:

It's a good thing I'm no longer sick of zombies...

Zombiethon is a collection of clips from Zombie, Zombie Lake, Oasis of the Zombies, Fear, The Invisible Dead, A Virgin Among The Living Dead and The Astro-Zombies interspersed with original sequences featuring zombies chasing people into a zombie-filled theater playing the clips. The back cover mentions White Zombie, but no clips from that are present in this (or the original VHS version). The seemingly unrestored VHS quality transfer admittedly does help capture the “Grindhouse” look of the films, although the fulscreen transfer doesn’t. There’s some print damage and the occasional shifting colors, but it’s definitely watchable. While it mostly shows condensed “only the best parts” (and thus chock-full of spoilers) versions of the films (reminding this reviewer of 8mm releases by both Castle and Ken films), there is one point where only a single lengthy clip from A Virgin Among The Living Dead (aka Christine, Princess of Eroticism) is shown. I think that’s for the best, as the film does start to drag by that point and the film in question is easily the worst zombie film I’ve ever seen.

The original zombie effects, created by Joe Reader and Dr. David Lady, are neat-looking and appropriately match the film’s somewhat comedic tone. I particularly liked the armored cyborg zombie. Zombiethon does cheat at times, as Fear (aka Murder Syndrome) only has a single shot of a zombie and The Invisible Dead (aka Dr. Orloff’s Invisible Monster) doesn’t actually feature any zombies, only an invisible gorilla! Otherwise, Zombiethon is a fun way to spend a little over an hour.

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Eye Yi Yi!

It was supposed to be a night of spooky fun. Jenna had invited her friends over to help set up her family’s annual haunted house and watch movies. But a combination of occult forces from her mother’s working crystal ball and some of her pals dancing suggestively in front of said ball have somehow brought one of the haunt’s props, a replica of the titular character from Full Moon’s The Killer Eye, to life. Now the girls are hunted down one by one, with the eye alternately attempting to impregnate or kill them. Can they resist the living movie monster or is the planet doomed to be a real horror flick?

I must admit, I was very surprised to see The Killer Eye get a sequel. As far as I’m concerned, it was an embarrassingly cheap movie from the time when Full Moon was suffering from serious financial woes that (in my experience) was best known by many for how the box art recycled themes from the Wizard Video release of Headless Eyes. Truth be told, I suspect that the sequel was made to take advantage of the Eye’s power to mind control/arouse women into removing their clothes, given how the cast is made of entirely of beautiful women and there’s wall-to-wall nudity. I found it interesting how the Killer Eye prop looked more realistic before it came to life. In all fairness though, the living eye prop from this film was light years ahead of the one used in the original (which can be seen countless times due to use of clips from the original playing on a TV). While several spooky haunted house props feature prominently on the cover art, they were thankfully not brought to the life in the film itself. The film also has tons of blatant injokes and plugs for Full Moon films, like the characters discussing Evil Bong and characters donning masks of Killjoy and the Gingerdead Man! That all said, it’s definitely a better movie than the original.

Full Moon’s DVD presents the film in a beautiful widescreen transfer, aside from the occasionally shimmering in the background at times. The audio is clear and while there are chapter stops, there is sadly no chapter selection menu. This could be a player issue, but I found that hitting “Root Menu” on my remote did not work properly at any point on the DVD. As the film is just barely over an hour long, Full Moon has seen fit to cram in a big selection of extras. In addition to the ad for hauntedcasinos.com at the beginning, there’s the Grindhouse Promo Trailer, Far Out Youtube Videos and Full Moon trailers. The Grindhouse Promo is a roughly three minute trailer for Full Moon’s Grindhouse Collection, which features ten films from Charles Band’s past. The fullscreen clips are all windowboxed and are of old VHS quality. I found it interesting how, in addition to pointing out when celebrities appeared in the films (usually prior to “making it”), they saw fit to put black bars over the nude scenes. Given that this was not the case in the releases themselves (and not the case in the main feature), it seems like an odd decision.

The “Far Out Youtube Videos” consist of A Cult Influence, My Super Ex Grudge, The Raven and Roid Rage. The first film packs tons of information (along with cool artwork and film clips) into its just under 10 minute running time. The mini-documentary’s narrator analyzes just what makes a film a cult film by interviewing everyone from the owners of places like the Hyaena Gallery and Eddie Brant’s Saturday Matinee, but also people involved in the cult film business. Although shot on video, the quality is very nice (save for a few instances). Sadly, the film is obviously cropped to appear widescreen.

My Super Ex Grudge is a hilarious parody of Ju-on: The Grudge wherein a man pays the price for dumping Kayako. It packs a lot into its five minute runtime, including a must-see end credit sequence and references to various female horror icons. It’s also SOV, but not obnoxiously so. The Raven and Roid Rage are fairly quick trailers for two upcoming films, with the amazingly awesome ad for the story of a killer hemarroid being my favorite of the two.

The trailers are for Killer Eye: Halloween Haunt, Evil Bong 3: The Wrath of Bong, The Gingerdead Man 3: Saturday Night Cleaver, Killjoy 3, Puppet Master: Axis of Evil and Skull Heads. All of said trailers are widescreen and of good quality. Interestingly enough, the trailer for the main program seems to indicate that the killer eye is from the 8th dimension (as was the case in the original film), rather than some mystical force imitating the movie monster.

I’ve felt for some time that Full Moon has switched its target audience from older movie fans to a younger male demographic and this film has confirmed that to me. The overt references to smoking weed and the female nudity that make up most of the plot made this very clear to me. Don’t get me wrong, Full Moon does still support other viewers, it just seems to me that they’ve change. One last thought: When you get right down to it, it’s simply ridiculous that an eyeball-looking creature would be sexually attracted to human women. It’s like a human being going to another dimension and wanting to impregnate some Lovecraftian monstrosity with little human beings for eyes.

Special thanks to Full Moon Features for the review copy!

Made with genuine Namekian shins!

Alister, Bachman, Bret and Larnell really thought they had seen the last of any evil talking bongs after their last adventure. But although they drifted apart as a group, the arrival of a meteor containing an evil space bong will soon reunite them. After spiriting off two of their friends and announcing its plans for global domination, those remaining are forced to team up with an unexpected ally to stop this sinister invasion: The original Evil Bong!

Although seeing the rest of the film has improved my attitude towards the film since I reviewed the 22 minute preview disc, much of my original criticisms still hold true. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed the film. Although I think the last horror comedy from Full Moon I reviewed was funnier, this runs a very close second. But when you have “bad day for night shots,” scenes were you can see the tops of the set not connecting with the ceiling and other such flubs, it’s hard to tell if they’re intentional jokes or embarrassing errors. While the film does try to explain why the “bong planet” sets are so cheap looking, the “they’re trying to create an environment to placate the human mind” explanation doesn’t seem to hold water. Nothing changes when various people come to the planet and while I appreciate the parts of the planet with extra props and blacklight effects, it still felt like things could have been much better realized. It also strains credibility that anyone from the past two films could have seen the space bong and not immediately realize that trouble was brewing. But, on the plus side, a lot of the jokes worked and the actions intended to take advantage of the original 3D showing weren’t nearly as obnoxious as I thought they would. One such example is the character Nurse Hookah, whose pantomiming the dialogue said by her employer grew on me and never felt forced.

I should note that the Pre-Release Road Show Exclusive Edition I’m reviewing removed the prompts for using the Sniff-o-Rama card (which is not included) and the widescreen transfer, while beautiful, is not in 3D. While there are chapter stops, there is no chapter selection menu and the only extra is the trailer. The audio, aside for a few times the music was softer than I would have preferred, is very good.

Unless you’re a hardcore fan of the series, I recommend renting this first before deciding to purchase it. Although it is possible to enjoy the film without seeing the previous two films, I suspect that viewing them beforehand makes for a smoother viewing experience. Only time will tell if the same can be said for the film announced at the end, Evil Bong vs. The Killa Crack Pipe

Special thanks to Full Moon Features for the review copy!

Vampire Kids is rather bizarre 1991 horror comedy (with more comedy than horror). The premise is that a tour group gets stranded on a deserted island that has an abandoned WWII Japanese outpost on it (and Chinese hopping vampires). Said outpost has a vampirized Japanese general entombed in a wall, who gets partially free when one of the castaways takes a diamond that was being used to seal in the vampire’s power. For reasons that are never really delved into, the general is able to control a bunch of little hopping vampires and sends them out in order to get blood for him so he can get enough power to break free from the wall.

Their first attempt fails because a bunch of the castaways ate “poisonous tomatoes” that made them temporarily blind and insane with rage, leading to a bizarre sequence in which they chase and beat the hell out of the vampire kids. Think 28 Days Later with a low budget and high insanity. The other attempts fail mostly because none of the kids want to suck any blood for some unexplained reason. Meanwhile, the general manages to get some blood…

If you feel like importing a DVD of this, keep in mind that the movie focuses on the on the castaways and comedy than it does on the hopping vampires. I know there are people out there who can’t stand bizarre Hong Kong comedies and I suspect that if you fall into that category, then you’ll hate this movie. I’m a bit of a special case since I get more humor out of the fact that certain jokes were attempted (Like, say, a woman with big breasts getting dropped face-first on the beach and leaving two giant holes in the ground when she gets picked up), rather than finding humor in the joke itself. It’s far from being a masterpiece, but it might be worth your while if you can find a copy that doesn’t cost much.

The widescreen (probably non anamorphic) DVD by Mei Ah looks pretty good; judging by the print quality, I’m guessing that this was a direct port of the transfer used for their prior laserdisc release of the movie. You get your choice of Cantonese or Mandarin soundtracks, optional “Traditional”, “Simplified”, and “English” subtitles, and a “databank” that includes a film synopsis (the same one that’s on the DVD case) and a credits list. I should point out that the English subtitles aren’t translated very well and sometimes lapse into “Engrish” or “flubtitles.” Of course, this only enhanced the humor value for me. For more information about Chinese hopping vampires, please visit this thread at the Latarnia forums (which in turn spawned this review).

Happy Chinese New Year!

We're baaaaaaack!

Flashing back to the beginning of the original Puppet Master, we see two Nazis enter the Bodega Bay Inn in 1939. Their mission? To capture Andre Toulon in order to obtain his method of bringing puppets to life. Toulon manages to foil them by taking his own life and hiding his puppets. However, said puppets are discovered by the owner’s injured nephew and he ends up running into the Nazis again. You see, said Nazis are meeting up with some Japanese contacts hiding in Chinatown in order to destroy a nearby manufacturing plant and one of them is posing as an American worker at said plant (where Danny’s girlfriend works). After discovering the secret of bringing the puppets to life, Danny’s attempt at monitoring the Axis forces accidentally results in the Nazis learning of Toulon’s creations. After killing his family and kidnapping his girlfriend to lure him out, Danny prepares for the fight of his life. Although not eligible for military service, he does have command of one of the most lethal armies around: Blade, Tunneler and the rest of Toulon’s creations.

After the poorly-received Puppet Master: The Legacy and (the apparently non-canon) Puppet Master vs. Demonic Toys, Full Moon was clearly trying to recreate what made Puppet Master III such a hit. David DeCoteau was tapped to direct, the film was set during World War II and a new puppet was going to be introduced. Sadly, the resulting film is only of interest to the most diehard of diehard fans of the series and has an infuriating Pirates of the Caribbean II-style non-ending. I wanted to love this movie, I really did. But sadly, the end product made that impossible.

Why? Well, besides the terrible acting there’s the cheap sets, (mostly) terrible puppet effects and awful writing. For example, how can Danny immediately find a secret hiding place the Nazis were unaware of and why doesn’t he revive all of the puppets he finds? Oh, and his choice of puppet when he needs to do a little surveillance/attack mission? Jester. Although I’m a fan of that character, it should be obvious that he rarely does anything combat-related and is the wrong choice for the job. Then again, considering that Danny immediately deduced a puppet was alive when it moved (rather than assume it’s a vintage automaton), I probably shouldn’t expect intelligent decisions from him. I also found it hilarious that a leech that’s been chewed up can instantly kill someone.
Aside for few shots of Blade that live up to standard set by the original series, most of the puppets seem a bit “off.” I know the series will never be quite the same without David Allen, but come on! The new puppet, Ninja, is pretty bland for the most part and, in my opinion, looks like he’s made from Crayola Model Magic. While the attempt to tie the film with the events of the first is pretty cool, the film stock doesn’t quite match and I foresee more continuity errors being spawned as a result of this.

While the audio was fine, there were some visual issues with the widescreen transfer that may or may not be due to the player I was using. Most of the scenes had a subdued color scheme and seemed a bit saturated at times. It was jarring to see the traditional glowing green fluid that animates the puppets appearing as a dull yellow (although it looked normal in the trailers shown on other Full Moon DVDs I’ve reviewed). While the image was clear, it often made certain flaws worse. I really shouldn’t be able to point out the uneven globs of makeup on a character’s face or count all the fold marks on a flag decorating a wall.

Thankfully, there’s a nice selection of extras. First is “The Making of Evil,” a collection of 13 videos showing the film being made in China. Originally shown on Youtube, these informative videos clock in at well over an hour. That said, I prefer the similar videos showcased in Killjoy 3. Next is “No Strings Attached,” the VideoZone segment from the original release of Puppet Master. For a more in-depth look at this segment, please see my review of the first movie. Finally, there’s trailers for every canon installment of the franchise, which makes the lack of similar extras on the Subspecies Blu-Ray even more puzzling. I should note that, according to this, the special features are “not 1080i resolution, but 480p” resolution.

So, unless you’re planning on a Mystery Science Theater 3000-style commentary session with friends or are a series completist, I advise you to stick with the classic Puppet Master films. If you absolutely must own it, then I recommend the release that bundles it with the first film, along with some other goodies. Here’s hoping that any future installments will be a major improvement.

Special thanks to Full Moon Features for the review copy!

 An' the Gobble-uns 'at gits you   Ef you  Don't  Watch Out!

When Mara, Michelle, and Lillian traveled to Romania to study local superstitions for a college course, they had no idea the legends of vampires in Castle Vladislas were true. They also had no idea their new friend Stefan is actually a vampire at war with his evil brother Radu over the Bloodstone, a sacred relic that oozes blood. But these facts soon become aware to them and the fight for their lives begins. But with both brothers falling for Michelle and Radu’s ability to generate creatures from drops of his blood, this won’t be a typical vampire movie.

Since its release in 1991, Subspecies has proven to be a popular franchise for Full Moon. Although it doesn’t have as many installments as the Puppet Master series, the Subspecies franchise is still a force to be reckoned with despite the last installment having been released back in 1998 and Subspecies is well-deserving of its status as a classic Full Moon film. The titular subspecies, while obviously there due to Charles Band’s fascination with little monsters, are an admittedly interesting addition to the vampire myth, as is the Bloodstone. Speaking of effects, Radu’s makeup effects are both very impressive and return the character to the original concept of vampires as vile, corpselike monsters rather than romantic heartthrobs. Also adding to the overall effect are horror legend Angus Scrimm’s cameo and how it was filmed in Romania (aka where what used to be Transylvania is now located).

For this 20th anniversary Blu-Ray edition, Full Moon Features has presented a beautiful widescreen transfer and great stereo track. This must make a huge difference to those who have only seen the original, cropped VHS version. As far bonus material, there’s the informative VideoZone segment from the original release featuring around 10 minutes worth of behind-the-scenes goodness. My favorite part was when footage of the original (but abandoned) method of realizing Radu’s minions via men in costumes was soon. While I agree that David Allen’s stop-motion creations are much better looking, I do appreciate being able to see the rejected material. There’s also widescreen trailers for Evil Bong 3, The Gingerdead Man 3, Killjoy 3, Demonic Toys 2: Personal Demons, Puppet Master: Axis of Evil and Skullheads. Bizarrely, there are no trailers for any of the other Subspecies films, let alone spin-offs like Vampire Journals or the pseudo spin-off Decadent Evil series (all of which are available on DVD).

Here’s another piece of news that should be of interest to Subspecies fans: Full Moon has announced a fifth installment of the series! Here’s hoping we’ll continue to see more of Radu and his minions in the future!

Special thanks to Full Moon Features for the review copy!

I'm (Not) With Busey

It seemed like an ordinary night at the Scientific Research Institute of Homicidal Baked Goods. Well, except for how FBI agent Clarissa Darling visited to try questioning the Gingerdead Man, who is freed when confused animal rights activists arrive under the mistaken assumption they’re animal test subjects. While making his escape, the Gingerdead Man stumbles across a time machine and winds up getting stuck in 1976. When the edible evil one stalks a roller boogie rink, only one person can stop him: the rink owner’s telekinetic niece Cherry. And it only gets weirder from there…

The Gingerdead Man 3: Saturday Night Cleaver (originally promoted as Gingerdead Man 3: Roller Boogieman) is an oddball comedy that features one of the most bizarre endings I’ve ever seen. As you’ve no doubt deduced from my brief synopsis, large chunks of the film are parodies of either Silence of the Lambs and Carrie (depending on the scene), with one segment referencing the shower scene from Porky’s. Sometimes they play out almost exactly like the original (save for a few comedic alterations) and other times offer a much broader parody of the original events. Although I didn’t laugh at everything, the inmates at the Scientific Research Institute of Homicidal Baked Goods are a hoot, as are the threesome scene and how the Ginderdead Man talks like Hannibal Lecter whenever he’s in the presence of Clarissa Darling. The Gingerdead Man is probably the only Full Moon creation whose cheesy puppet effects actually work in favor of the movie’s overall feel. Also adding to the humor is John Carl Buechler’s voicing of the titular character, replacing John Vulich from the previous film (who in turn replaced Gary Busey). I should also note that one scene from the film features winners of a Full Moon contest, not unlike a certain promotion Full Moon offered a few years back.

In addition to the beautiful widescreen transfer, the Pre-Release Fan Edition also includes a nice little selection of trailers for films like Killjoy 3, Puppet Master: Axis of Evil, Evil Bong II: King Bong, The Gingerdead Man 2, Dangerous Worry Dolls and The Gingerdead Man 3. All of which are widescreen and great quality, as one would expect given their (fairly) recently made nature. I should note that the and trailers are the exact same ones from the Killjoy 3 and Puppet Master DVDs. Sadly, there is no “Play All” option. Although there are chapter stops, there’s no chapter selection menu! Full Moon seriously needs to knock off this “streamlining” stuff. NOW.

I have to admit, that little psychopathic pastry grew on me and I can easily say that it’s worth a rental if you’re in the right mood. I’m hoping to check out the rest of the series sometime, especially the previous film in the series. Why? Because it has the Gingerdead Man wreaking havoc at a thinly-disguised parody of Full Moon Features!

Special thanks to Full Moon Features for the review copy!

Someone found the original 16mm work print of Manos, The Hands of Fate. It’s pristine, it’s beautiful and there’s efforts to put that movie into HD.

Ben (no last name given) first posted on the SomethingAwful forums, then released the public, his story on how an Ebay bid got him numerous prints of public domain classics like The Atomic Brain and Hamlet. In the boxes of film were two copies of Manos, one of them being the original 16mm work print.

It’s an interesting read. Ben, making his living as a Cameraman, has a distinct perspective on moviemaking. It seems he’s taken this discovery as a duty to film history. The pictures (scanned digitally from the print) that Ben has put up show that the movie is actually quite stunning in its original form, that the bad transfer that we’re used to (mostly from MST3K) is a crime against the movie. Granted, it won’t change everything but this bit of opportunity that has fallen into Ben’s lap might give the much belittled film a second chance.

 While it remains to be seen if this film is for anything but a niche market, I also feel that if I don’t restore it no one else will.

Follow along in the process over at ManosInHD.com. At this moment, there are plans for a limited blue-ray run. I’m sure in the future, Ben will announce financial/fundraising efforts.

A post-Halloween tradition is to bust out the Minutemen as a palate cleansing device.

I like Minutemen a lot. ‘The Punch Line’ got me hooked. Eighteen songs, fifteen minutes; they’re both complex and simple, dealing with deep context, diverging abstracts and yet, still very accessible. The music isn’t obtuse. It’s not the 1-2-3-4 punk rock or hardcore that came about their day. It’s been well documented how awesome the Minutemen were by people who, unlike me, were there to see them and experience them when they were fresh.

I think the last decade was one of decadence. A lot of self-indulgence and precocious bits of art have reflected a cultural shift away from the societal and physical restrictions. Rudimentary forms of communication, like ‘zines, radio and mail-order have been replaced with blogs, podcasts and Twitter feeds. While before, there weren’t that many sources for information, the rarity placed greater importance on them. Maybe it made them more trustworthy, or there just wasn’t enough counter evidence to dispel them. Whatever.)

With the internet allowing everyone to know what everyone else is doing, a lot of those of past scenes bemoaned the homogeneous mush of culture that has produced LCD Soundsystem, Twitter and Zooey Deschanel. Because we CAN have it all, we have decided to have it all. Want ten people in your band? Go ahead. Want to have two different genres in your movie? Why not?

I think we’re set for a rejection of “indulgence,” of “excess.” Musically, I welcome the return to the forefront of the 3 or 4-piece, bare bones rock group that looks at all these cumbersome groups producing over-the-top sound as obnoxious. Less Arcade Fire, more G.G. Allin (sans excrement and misogyny.)

Horror, I think, hasn’t been as affected by the increase in connection/communication, save that old tropes have been demolished. The fear that “the phone has gone dead” is now eliminated, meaning that cell phones either have to have the hokey plot-point of “not getting any reception” or, the more realistically, running out of power. Increased communication means that the fundamental ‘fear of the unknown’ is easily dispelled.

I think there will be ways for modern horror to work around this, if they aren’t already.

There hasn’t been a wide-spread, mainstream film that has made people afraid of Social Networking (except, well, The Social Network but that piece of fiction made Mark Zuckerberg look like a autistic-dickhead. Whether that’s an accurate portrayal remains debated.) Having someone(s) using your Facebook account to track you and ultimately, kill you will inspire parents to be afraid, even more so than they should be.

But what about a monster, creature or killer that can’t be explained by a Wikipedia page? Or a group of people using the internet for some nefarious means? John Carpenter’s At The Mouth Of Madness, a great film, uses the idea of communication spreading madness. This is also done in Tobe Hooper’s novel, Midnight Movie as well as The Ring. What about a viral video that caused more than a few laughs?

As for excessive, indulgent behavior, a corner of Horror’s foundation is built on gratuitousness. Blood, breast and beast, like The Vooduo say. However, some restraint might return the genre back to its effectiveness. The first Saw movie had some weight to it, before the excessive sequels neutered the franchise. Dealing with simple antagonist v. protagonist (with decent explanation, outside of some bullshit writing like that in High Tension) will probably give fear a bit of a boost. The continual success of the Paranormal Activity movies show that people STILL like to be scared, even if the movies are, in my opinion, trite. If there can be a horror movie like a Minutemen song, simple in presentation but deep, layered and not totally obtuse/abstract, it’ll be great.

Horror exists in the realm slightly above pornography and slightly below art, meaning that often, if it maintains a low-enough overhead, it can do whatever it want. If there are films out there that have used these ideas, and there HAS to be because I know I’m not the only one to think of these, let me know.

So, Disney got cold feet at the idea of shelling out upwards to a quarter-of-a-billion-dollars in a budget for a movie based off a property that was old back when your parents were young. Yes, The Lone Ranger reboot that had Johnny Depp slated as Tonto.

The premise of the Lone Ranger is that six Texas rangers are ambushed and left for dead. Upon discovery of the chaos, the native Tonto nurses the sole survivor back to health. Six graves are dug to lead the world in thinking that there was no survivor and the former ranger, “lone” as he is, adopts a vigilante role.

The usual gang of idiots behind the bloated The Pirates of the Carribean franchise were looking to do the same to this antiquated intellectual property as it did with the old Disneyland ride. Instead of skeletons or the reality of a man abandoning his life to bring his would-be-murderers to justice, they were going to go with werewolves. Naturally. And because no one gives a damn about Armie Hammer, who would have played the titular role, the 2009 script was based around Johnny Depp and the premise that Tonto was the main bad-ass.

You know what? Thank goodness this movie was ended. I hope it never get off the ground. As much as it would be nice to give the hundreds, if not thousands, of small-time laborers and technicians to produce this trash, The Lone Ranger was going to be basically the five people responsible for The Pirates of the Carribean having a two million+ dollar holiday producing something designated for Saturday repeats on basic cable stations.

Rumors that the failing of Cowboys and Aliens to rake in the world’s ever-shrinking disposable income put the kabosh on what Dread Central dubbed “cowboys and werewolves.” What I’d like to think is that the War on Drugs happened to succeed in delaying the shipment of high grade designer drugs to the Disneyland executives that a moment of sobriety allowed someone, ANYONE, to speak up and ask “Wait, they’re going to make a movie about what?”

Look, if someone wants to blow an amount of money on a shitty movie, do it on an original concept. Or, for the price of this one Johnny Depp v. Werewolves movie,  Disney could finance four 50 million dollar movies, or a combination of many other films that, with a low overhead, could make a lot of money. (spend 10 million, make 50 million = 40 million in profit > spend 200 million, make 150 million = -50 million)  

Gore Verbinski and Johnny Depp already had their western movie. It was called Rango and it featured Bill Nighy as a talking rattlesnake. Look, these numbskulls had their turn goofing off.  Give the money to someone who bothered to not scan TV Land, RetroTV or the Museum of Radio and Television for ideas.

 

If you hung around The Monster Channel on Sundays, you probably caught an episode of “Zombie Hunters: City of the Dead.” The independent horror series depicts the process of culling the growing zombie plague affecting a major metropolitan area. The effects are really great and the acting is pretty good. All the episodes are available online for your watching. 

The tone of the series is very dramatic, sort of The Shield with zombies. There’s a lot of drama dealing with politics and personal agendas. When writing about The Return Man, I remembered ’Zombie Hunters: City of the Dead.’ Most zombie scenarios are built around the idea that the protagonists aren’t survivalists and are at a severe disadvantage when it comes to warding off the horde of undead. Considering that even the Center for Disease Control seems in on the fun, the idea that we’d be unprepared for this outbreak is becoming less and less of a plausibility. Something like the ’Zombie Hunters’ is going to be the new norm for the genre if the story is going to happen over any other time than the initial hours of the outbreak.  

Seems that non-indie outlets are jumping on the trend.  At the end of July, SyFy announced the production of the ZEROs. If I read the release and the follow-up talk over at FearNet, either the pilot got green-lit or the whole series is in production. Probably the former. Zeros (short for the Zombie Exermination and Removial Operations) is described by castmember Brian Peck as “Reno 911! meets The Walking Dead,” ZEROs is going to be a satrical view where Zombie Hunters is serious.

I kind of look forward to this show. I hope it gets picked up for a full season (if it hasn’t already) because it would be a welcomed addition to the genre. Hopefully, the writing’s good behind it. Though there are plenty of ways to make a zombie outbreak funny, it’ll be interesting to see which way this show goes.

A lot of changes in the Zombie genre. World War Z got a release date of December 12th, 2012 (hawhaw, 122112. very clever, guys!) and with The Return Man, Zombie Hunters and ZEROs coming out, seems there’s still some life in zombies after all.

Caught a glimpse of this 2010 film a few days ago. THE MAN WHO COLLECTED FOOD came out on DVD & Blu-Ray last month and its generating a buzz for its interesting premise.

“Miguel Appet is a serious collector.  He must have the color variants, the rarities, the 1950s originals: every food he can find–and keep–in mint condition.  No one but his overbearing mother knows that his home, tucked in the quiet suburb of Cibuston, has become a massive museum to comestibles….And Miguel eats…people.  He has to, since eating his precious food is not an option.  However, being a cannibal is not as easy as it seems, especially when you have a food collection to take care of…”

Cannibalism! It’s interesting that this is a suburban take on the concept of human-eat-human. Hannibal Lector added a high-class sociopath spin to a behavior commonly associated with unsophistication (i.e. savage rednecks and Amazonian tribes.) Plus, I’m curious to see why Miguel collects food and how he started down this path of eating people. My first thoughts after viewing the trailer is that Miguel is played to be possibly autistic? Or am I confusing the eye of the collector with that mental/physical condition?

I need to get a copy of this movie and put a review up. The premise seems really interesting and I’m dangerously getting my hopes up.  But I have a good feeling about this. If anyone else has seen this – is it good? What did you like about it?

Find the official site here and the Facebook page over here.

 

The 2006 movie Behind The Mask was an ambitious movie that tried to revitalize the slasher genre by incorporating the meta commentary/elements into the movie itself. The premise involves a camera crew trailing a murderer named Leslie Vernon, offering analysis on the general tropes of the 80′s slasher format as well as the specific character elements of this movie.  

It’s a bold piece of work that tries to hotshot the next great American monster, though I don’t know if the genre is ready for a boogeyman named “Leslie Vernon.” As a film, it’s enjoyable. The mockumentary format goes for the majority of the film, with the last act turning cinematic. It’s a movie that set some lofty goals and we might commend it for having the chutzpah to shoot as high as it did, even though some of its efforts might have fallen flat.  

There’s always promise for a sequel, no matter what corner you write yourself into. Thanks to Dread Central for pointing it out that the “sequel/remake/revisioning” “Before The Mask” is looking for financial backing. The filmmakers have decided to crowdsource the funding. Much like a pledge drive (and like various sites like Kickstarter and IndieGoGo) different donation levels get you different reward packages. The basic level pre-orders a copy of the DVD, even though the movie hasn’t been made yet. It’s an interesting concept that allows for more creative projects to get produced. If you’re interested at looking to see how you can monetarily support this project, head over to the Facebook page.  

Is this the future of low-budget movies? Will the independent horror genre rely more on its audience to see the products get made? Is this a new avenue or a fad to be burnt out? Your comments are welcomed.

There's no strings attached, there's no hand up our...

It’s very appropriate that I’m reviewing this movie now, as summer and Full Moon movies (especially the Puppet Master franchise) are very closely linked for me. Many days of the summer vacations of my youth were spent browsing the aisles at the (now-defunct) local West Coast Video with my younger brother and happily watching our selections while munching on pizza. At that particular store, Full Moon was king. Although they rarely put up promotional materials for major studio releases, posters for stuff like Subspecies and Robot Wars were displayed with pride. As you may have guessed, Full Moon titles did very well for them and as a result, they carried just about every Full Moon release. The amazing cover art depicting the killer puppets naturally caught our eyes and, after convincing our reluctant adult supervision that it would be okay for us to see Puppet Master 3 since the puppets were killing Nazis, our first official visit to the world of Full Moon had begun. Naturally, we wanted to see the first movie after having a blast watching the third and, despite the various continuity issues and change in Toulon actors, we still enjoyed it. So when I heard that Full Moon was reissuing a remastered version of the first film, I knew I just had to review it.

The year is 1939. Andre Toulon is putting the final touches on his latest creation in his room at the Bodega Bay Inn. Sadly, despite his best efforts to hide his living puppets from Nazi forces, his hiding place has been discovered. Trapped, Toulon hides his puppets in a hidden chamber in his room and takes his own life. Flash forward to the present day (well, 1989 or 1990), where a select group of psychics receive odd visions. After comparing notes, they realize they’re being called to visit an old acquaintance. But when they arrive where he’s staying (the Bodega Bay Inn), they’re surprised to find that their friend is married…and dead. But as the psychics try to piece together what’s going on, the previously walled-up puppets reappear to select their victims…

While this is the “first draft” of the Puppet Master franchise, it’s still very well done and is a great way to spend 84 minutes. There’s plenty of the sort of little touches I love which add to the characterization, such as the psychic who travels with her taxidermied dog or jabbing a corpse with a huge needle in order to see if it’s really dead. The psychic visions are handled in a way you can accept that people who can see the future would go to a place where they’ll be slaughtered. Speaking of which, I liked how each psychic has a different variant of power, such as psychometry, dream-based prophecies, etc. During my viewing of this, I was struck how Tunneler, Blade, Pinhead, Jester, Leech Woman (plus the later additions to the gang) would never work as a gang of human-sized killers. Killer puppets are the only way this script (and by extension, the entire series) could work. Besides, using a full-sized killer would eliminate the excellent scene involving Pinhead’s emergence from his hiding place in a coffin!

Being that this is the first Full Moon movie, they really gave the film the treatment it deserves. In addition to finally presenting the film in its originally intended widescreen aspect radio (it was supposed to get released in theaters, but became a direct to video release), Full Moon went back to the original negatives and made an all-new transfer. Said transfer is beautiful and, aside from a brief “blink and you’ll miss it” spot of print damage in beginning, the picture is as perfect as the sound quality. However, the film does not seem to include the expanded material shown in the 2007 3D DualDisc release of the film. This is presumably due to using the original (cut) negatives to ensure a high quality transfer, but it’s still rather disappointing. It’s a shame said material wasn’t included among the disc’s numerous special features.

Despite the lack of a chapter menu in the last two Full Moon discs I reviewed, I’m pleased to say that Puppet Master does not suffer from that issue. Our first “true” special feature is the “Charles Band Intro,” a trivia-filled introduction by Band that clocks in a little over five minutes. In it, we learn that the film was shot in 1989 and wasn’t released until 1990, how the film was influenced by Dolls and The Dungeonmaster, how Six Shooter was originally supposed to be in the film (as a ninja!) and how this DVD differs from the previous releases (among other cool details). Next is the original “No Strings Attached” making of featurette from the VHS release. This predecessor to “VideoZone” is not restored, but it’s still of good video quality. Clocking in at a little over seven minutes, this mix of interviews, film clips and behind the scenes footage gives a lot of insight as to how the puppets were brought to life (and why Band is so fascinated by little killers). I was actually surprised how much of this I had failed to remember. While I remembered that some scenes involving Pinhead used a real person’s hands acting as the puppet’s, I had completely forgotten that the person was a female “little person.” In addition to the the widescreen Puppet Master: Axis of Evil trailer, we also get a “Classic Full Moon Trailers” gallery, complete with a “Play All” option!The selection consists of Crash and Burn, Laserblast, Demonic Toys, Dollman, Meridian, Netherworld, Trancers 2, The Pit and the Pendulum, Shadowzone, Subspecies, Puppet Master, Puppet Master 2 and Puppet Master 3. The trailers are, as usual, a mixed bag. While most of them are the same as the ones used on the Oblivion DVD, the one for Trancers 2 is good, as is the trailer for The Pit and the Pendulum(aside for a brief video line). Although the terrible quality of the spoiler-filled Puppet Master trailer had me worried, I was relieved to see that the previews for the other two installments of the series were of decent quality. I was also amused how Leech Woman is referred to as “Ms. Leech” in the first preview, but her usual name is used in the other two.

So whether you want to relive some old memories from when you first became a fan of the Puppet Master series or even if you’re just starting out, you definitely need to pick up this DVD. Just make sure to grab some pizza before you pop it in. Trust me, it’s a great way to experience the film…

Special thanks to Full Moon Features for the review copy!

Oblivion

Posted by Weird Jon in Movies - (1 Comments)

Oh my!

Given that May is Asian Heritage Month, I thought it would be appropriate to take another look at George Takei’s body of work. Based on my research, it appears that the subject of today’s review, the sci-fi western Oblivion, was the first non-Star Trek, non-TV science fiction movie that Mr. Takei had an onscreen role in. Given his many years of acting, it is both amazing and saddening to think that it took until 1994 for him to land such a role. Thankfully, this later led to several more appearance in future genre films. But let’s look at where it all began…

The year is 3031 and things are not looking good for the citizens of Oblivion. As if the planet’s variety of nasty alien creatures (like giant two tailed scorpions) weren’t bad enough, their sleepy little town has been taken over by a nasty reptilian outlaw named “Redeye” and his gang of cronies. Thanks to his personal stash of the valuable mineral Derconium, which interferes with electrical equipment, he has successfully both killed the marshal (by deactivating his personal force field) and rendered the cyborg deputy helpless. It’s up to the marashal’s estranged son Zack and his native friend Buteo to save the day. The thing is, Zack is an empath who can feel the pain of anyone he hurts or kills, which makes him reluctant to go in guns a blazin’. But as the level of violence escalates in Oblivion, it becomes harder and harder for him to just stand by…

Oblivion is a treat, from the futuristic western designs (with ATMs standing in for banks and electronic prospecting equipment) to the creature effects by the late David Allen. Co-producer/screenplay writer Peter David’s well-known lightheartedness comes into play several times in the film, including an amusing “bingo funeral” sequence and a blatant Man-Thing reference. It’s also fun spotting the various cameos. There’s Isaac Hayes as a saloon owner, Julie Newmar as “Miss Kitty” (a reference to both the Gunsmoke character and her role Catwoman in the 60′s), Carel Struycken (“Lurch” from the 90′s Addams Family movies) as a mortician (a staple of both horror and western films) and George Takei as Doc Valentine. Although he spouts his fair share of Star Trek references, his character isn’t just there for a few jokes. Being the town’s dentist/barber/inventor/robotics specialist/etc., Valentine is guilt-ridden over the “failure” of the force field badge he designed killing the marshal and soon turns to drinking to numb the pain. Takei’s acting skills get to shine as his character rapidly (but believably) goes from humorously drunk to mournful and then to violent and unpredictable before recovering the next day. This multifaceted role was a major step up from the roles traditionally offered to Asian American actors in westerns: cringe-worthy, one note “comedic” stereotypes like Hop Sing. Although not his greatest role, acting in movies like Oblivion did keep his name in the public eye, which allowed him to further develop his fanbase and fame. Over time, he became a famous enough figure to lend his name to causes like this protest and actually have it mean something to the general public. I’m not saving that Oblivion was solely responsible for this, just that it’s a good-sided stone on the road that is George Takei.

Full Moon has wisely released the film onto DVD in order to cash in on the hype for the upcoming (as of this writing) film Cowboys and Aliens. The DVD offers a nice, crisp transfer with some minor print damage here and there. The audio sounds great, especially the dead-on perfect western score. As was the case in Killjoy 3, there is no chapter selection menu, despite the presence of chapter stops! This is simply inexcusable. I can’t imagine why anyone at Full Moon thought this was a good idea. The fact that you can’t go back to the main menu after starting the film is also irritating and I hope this is merely an issue with my DVD player and doesn’t represent the disc’s behavior on all players.

But that isn’t the disc’s biggest failure. Bizarrely, the “Video Zone” making-of segment from the original VHS release is nowhere to be found! Fans who want to learn more about the film’s production without searching out the VHS release will have to make due with Peter David’s recollections on the matter or pick up a copy of The B-Movie Survival Guide for its brief tidbits from people involved in the Oblivion series (along with those from other cult movies). That said, this is a huge blunder by Full Moon. They would be wise to avoid doing so on future releases, in addition to including chapter selection menus.

Besides the semi-animated main menu, the disc’s special features consist of two different selections of trailers. The first batch consists of previews for Oblivion, Oblivion 2: Backlash, Puppet Master: Axis of Evil,Doll Man, and Skull Heads. As usual, the “new” trailers very in aspect ratio and occasionally in quality. The transfer on the one for Oblivion, is good, but not quite as good as film’s transfer on the DVD. The Puppet Master: Axis of Evil, trailer is a new version using scenes from first Puppet Master in addition to new material not seen in the usual versions of the film’s trailer.

There are also 10 “Full Moon Vintage Trailers” (Technically Full Moon and Empire Pictures trailers) that are all full frame and are of wildly varied quality. The selection consists of Arcade, Bad Channels, Crash and Burn,Laserblast, Meridian (aka Meridian: Kiss of the Beast), Netherworld, Robot Wars, Seed People,Shadowzone and Subspecies. Not having seen the film itself, I can’t say for sure if the trailer for Arcade is the one that featured the original and eventually replaced special effects. The trailers for Bad Channels and Netherworld are worn while the one for Seed People is especially worn. However, it’s of Criterion Collection quality when compared to the awful quality of the ones for Laserblast and Shadowzone! Still, it was a pretty fun trip down memory lane. I just wish they had a “play all” option.

Despite the DVD’s flaws, I still found Oblivion to be a very enjoyable way to kill about an hour and a half. While The Haunted Casino and Killjoy 3 will eventually get traded in at my local used DVD store, Oblivion will always sit proudly on my shelf. Here’s hoping that a DVD of Oblivion 2: Backlash is in the works (but without any of this disc’s faults).

UPDATE: It turns out that the sequel did get a DVD release…in 2004. Although initially confused by the seeming reverse order of the releases, further research revealed that Oblivion had its original DVD release in 2002 through Artisan. That said, seeing the prices given for it on Amazon have me hoping that Full Moon reissues the sequel.

Special thanks to Full Moon Features for the review copy!