It really doesn’t make sense for me to hate on him. I still do and I still won’t watch his work but damn. Damn.  Joss Whedon’s Cabin In The Woods had Norman “Baron Shivers of the The Ghastly Ones” Cabrera as the lead artist is something that…. Well.

It’s one of those “Goddamnit, you’re not making it easier for me to dislike you, are you?” moments.

So hey – respect for Joss Whedon.

If you listened to the latest episode of the 6′+ podcast, (which you can subscribe to on iTunes or listen to through Stitcher) you heard the song ‘Nameless’ by a band King Ghidora. Taking their name from the Monster Zero antagonist of the Toho/Godzilla mythos, they play surf-space rock heavily influenced by Man…Or Astro-Man?, Dick Dale, and fellow space-surf-denizens, Daikaiju.

King Ghidora paid tribute to Daikaiju last October, dressing up as the band as they played The Deluxe. Watch the video below and then head over to King Ghidora’s Facebook page for all the updates.

There aren’t many albums that I listen to from start to finish on my first play. I usually stop, do something completely unrelated to the music at hand and, when a significant amount of time has passed, I come back to finish the album, usually restarting it. Or, worse, the music is so bad that I need a break from it before continuing.

Voodoo U Luv by The Vooduo was a rare exception, for after loading it up, all notion to stop the music was dismissed and external distractions were kept at bay. Good rock and roll keeps itself going until the records over, transporting your conscious out of the limits of time, gravity and social obligations. When the record wound down, I actually went back to the beginning and listened to it again.

When an artist releases two albums within two consecutive years, it’s traditionally accepted by the rock and roll journalist cartel that both albums are two sides of the same coin. I think Zappa’s Over-Nite Sensation/Apostrophe(‘) combo is an example of this, as well as the Lust In Space/Bloody Pit Of Horror combo that Gwar put out in 2009/2010. Arguments by demented critics are made as they froth and frug at the audacity of a music group DARING to have a prolific output. Instead of two albums, blubber the critics, the artist could have released a single entity composed of the best songs, picked and chosen from the two.

If going by this pattern, Voodoo U Luv is the second half of the story started by last year’s The Rock And Roll Creatures Who Stopped Living And Became Mixed Up Zombies. But if you listen to them both, Voodoo U Luv is its own creature. Rock And Roll Creatures… established the Vooduo’s sound, cementing the foundation first laid by 2008’s Have Voodoo, Will Travel. This third album by the duo of Eerie Powers and Neidi Night shows some real growth and experimentation. Maybe this was the plan – a rock and roll striptease, showing bits and inches of their talent slowly. It’s very clever of them.

They still play the skinless-blood-guts-soul bared-rock and roll that comes from Eerie’s guitar and Neidi’s drums, but somehow, they manage to make this simple set-up sound so different on each song.

I really don’t know how they did it, but they did. They topped their last album. I thoroughly loved Rock And Roll Creatures, for its playfulness and its distinct sleazy, groovy, grindhouse sound. And I love Voodoo U Luv because it’s NOT just another Rock And Roll Creatures…. Each song is a new world to explore.

The slow haunting track of ‘Zombie Love,’ where unofficial third member Dave Klein rocks the Theremin (whose skills and keyboards were also on Rock and Roll Creatures…) provides the atmosphere for a ghoulish shimmy of a song. It’s similar enough that it connects this with the prior album, but it’s different enough to surprise you.

And wow. There are many surprises on this album. A lot more twang in songs like “Evil Eye” and “Howlin’” than previously reported. “You Is A Rat Pfink” is delightful. I thought that a lot of The Cramps spirit was infiltrating ‘Rock And Roll Creatures.’ Here, on Voodoo U Love, I envision Link Wray has come up from the grave to sit in for a session. Maybe Eerie has been possessed by Wray? It’s possible. If you listen to ‘That Voodoo,’ it sounds like it. Maybe an exorcism is required? Or perhaps a twenty-city tour. I also think Neidi Night’s drums are haunted because they cause me to dance when I’m not paying attention. Her rhythm is contagious, unavoidable like a gypsy’s curse.

This is a high recommendation for me if you like rock and roll. If you like twang, if you like the type of country that made Elvis shake, if you’re into the type of music that makes the dead walk the earth and bum smokes off your mechanic as he’s sipping a beer at the bar, then you want this album. This is the voodoo that the VooDuo do so well, the voodoo you will love.

Popcorn Horror
http://www.PopcornHorror.com

Available for Android and iPhone.

Admittedly, I don’t have a lot of horror apps on my phone. And that might not be my fault. I use a Galaxy SII with the Android OS, whose app store is slightly anemic compared to the robust iPhone App store, but each platform has an abundant amount of crap.

Plenty of apps are available that give you spooky sounds, haunted wallpapers and useless little games involving zombies and chainsaws and blah blah blah.

The only app I found worth downloading was the Dread Central app, just because it gave a news feed without all the crappy adds and shitty coding you find on the mainpage. So when Popcorn Horror reached out and let us here at GdL16 know about them, I was really excited at what they were offering: an app designated for the distribution of independent horror shorts.

Popcorn Horror, developed in 2011 by two of Scotland’s finest sons, Felix Gilfedder and Derek McEwen, is a nifty little app that allows you to stream short horror movies from independent filmmakers. As per the site’s guidelines, films should be no longer than 20 minutes. The shorts run about 5-10 minutes, with varying themes – comedy, suspense, grindhouse and slashers alike can be found.

The videos are in good to fantastic quality. There wasn’t any problem in viewing them on my device.  Users have the ability to rate and comment on each individual video, which is good as it associates the discussion WITH the film itself and not on a separate forum. There’s no confusing way to navigate back and forth to watch something you might have missed. The navigation is really smooth and effortless with this app and there’s no lag at all.  You do have to click/touch the movie’s description or else you will miss out on the ability to log your opinions about the short. It took me a couple tries before I discovered this feature. I blame the user, not the app.

Additional features involve the horror quote, which allows you trivia nerds to flex your brain-muscles by adding in quotes both popular and obscure. There are also wallpapers available so you can decorate your mobile device accordingly.

The app itself is free but you need to purchase a Premium Ticket in order to access the full application. A fifteen dollar fee gets you full access to the Popcorn Horror film library whereas the free version only allows you to view about six shorts at a time.

Fifteen dollars, in my opinion, is steep for an app.  I understand why it costs what it does. Popcorn Horror doesn’t OWN the movies, it only licenses them. And there are no ads on this app, so all the revenue that it generates is from premium pass memberships. I understand why people turn to advertising, and I would hate to advocate it. But if Popcorn Horror does put advertising on its next update, I understand.

Popcorn Horror is a great idea and it’s only a year old, so I can’t really hold any major criticism against it. But if I were to make suggestions as to what might entice me to spend my money with this app, I would want more to do. I love the idea of an app distributing independent horror shorts like this. It’s also beautiful, which captures the feel and look of a gritty cinematic experience. However, outside of the six shorts I’m allowed to watch, there’s not much else here. The quotes option is nice but it doesn’t have much life to it and the Community tab is a one-way news feed.

If you have better ideas, you can join the Facebook community made to discuss the further development of Popcorn Horror. https://www.facebook.com/PopcornHorror2 allows you to discuss everything with the creators, filmmakers and like minded individuals.

I highly recommend downloading Popcorn Horror. I think that this offers a great outlet for horror shorts to reach a wide audience and for fans to connect. It’s a gorgeous piece of technology and its it’s an idea I support thoroughly. I look forward to its development and to what the sequel brings.

[For those who are searching for unique horror items, one can’t beat Etsy.com. Each Tuesday, Gravedigger’s Local 16 aims to highlight one seller. If you’re looking to spruce up your look, redecorate your sanctorum or get a gift for that special something in your life, Etsy.com is your place for spooky econo.]

Clara Boo’s Curioddities
http://www.etsy.com/shop/curioddities

Sew Couture Caduceus Pocket Mirror

Creepiness is an art. In order to really creep someone out, it doesn’t take much if you do it properly. There is a lot you can do just by playing with tactile sensations. There’s some truth in that slumber party game of making your friends close their eyes before you slide their hands into cold spaghetti noodles, lying to them about how these are veins taken from a murder victim’s body.

Creepy is a clever art form. You can’t creep someone out if you go about it dumbly, with no finesse or any kind of panache. It’s hard to do when you overplay your hand or go for the bombastic approach, as many people do. Creepy is very subtle, very slithering. When you creep someone out, it also has to come off as a natural action for you, even if the action itself is unnatural. You can’t do something that immediately reveals itself a charade, or else you’ll come off as comical or, at worst, a farce.

We think that one of the charming traits of Clara Boo’s Currioddities is how they manage to be naturally creepy without showing much effort. They also do it in a manner that it doesn’t ward off anyone from buying their products. It’s a very accessible level of creepiness and we applaud their work.

Bat Girl Womens Medium T Shirt Last One

Glancing at this women’s t-shirt, your eyes are drawn to the comely figure whose shape is accentuated by the cape of spider-webs. Above, a well enamored moon looks down, almost gleeful in its voyeuristic delight. Though pornographic by no means, the undercurrent of sex here is undeniable, made not so much creepy but somewhat subversive by the fact that this woman’s elongated neck implies what her true intentions are. Even more so, when she reveals them, people will be watching.

Penny Farthing Pocket mirror

The actual mirror is a handy tool and should be on hand in case of any last minute touch-ups or in need to measure the strength of a body’s breath. The image on the back shows an ecstatic child-thing riding the penny farthing, a trio of bat shapes gliding behind it on attached strings. Are the bats dead or fake? And the ever visible seam in the child-thing’s head, does that imply that it wears a protective shell? What grim visage lies underneath that permanently grinning face?

Skeleton and a Vampire

Clara Boo’s Curioddities offers a very extensive range of products, from wearables to displayables to sendables, like this card here. One of a series displaying festive costumes on children in the custom of trick-or-treating, the bit of creepiness is not in the visibles. In fact, it’s quite charming. Clara Boo is able to capture her two-dimensional style in a very third dimension, providing a wonderful card to send at the appropriate time. No, what’s utterly creepy about this is the sound that these things, these children, might make if they were real and standing on your desk.

Nostalgia 2 Blank Card

Nostalgia is, in itself, a horrible affliction that renders a lot of the living into ghastly bits of death, floating around while dressed in antiquated modes of fashion, profounding the truths of long, outdated technologies and thoughts. It’s a horrible curse and so it’s questionable as to why this high fashion darling is called such. The colors allusion to sorry, the pose one of coyness and possible regret? The nearly exposed breast leading to imagine this a woman once comfortable with having a life separate from sex but now? Very peculiar.

Penny Black With Radio Blank Greetings Card.

 How horrible it must be to be so proficient with your hands to expertly capture the expression of depression and utter despair on the face of an inanimate (?) object. The doll, though complete in construction, looks broke in spirit. The position next to the antique radio, the objects from a prior time, only aid in the melancholy. How wonderful. How creepy.

Do be a doll yourself and go to these pages - Clara Boo on Twitter, on Facebook here and also on Facebook there. If you aren’t feeling terribly social, avoid the social networks and go straight to the official page. Don’t forget to visit her Etsy store and purchase what have you.

DONATE HERE

Kickstarter has become the number one “crowd-funding” sites out there, mainly due to high profile people using the service.  I’ve talked about it in the past, both with Transylvania-TV’s Halloween Special and mentioning the service in a write up about the remake/prequel/sequel of the 2006 movie Behind the Mask (aka Before The Mask).

Friend of the site, Joel “MAX REVERB” Kapland has recently written a grindhouse-fantasy novel entitled HIGH ON BLOOD AT THE END OF THE WORLD. Joel’s a man who, despite currently living in Florida, bleeds the blood of a Maine man. You can tell from the picture he’s got for the proposed book. Don’t let the MSPaint fool you:

Joel is a member of the Necro-Tone family. He has played with The Crimson Ghosts, The Quasi-Men, maybe the Demon Seeds (I can’t really be sure, but I wouldn’t be surprised) and possibly The Disconnect on one of their two-three shows. He’s currently in Gigi and the Cretins down in Florida and this is a way to help this punk out. He’s self-publishing the book and every pre-order (depending on the pledge level) gets you some sick rewards. You can even be a character in the sequel (if there is a sequel, and well. There’s always a sequel.)

Help a cretin out.

DONATE HERE

Disclaimer: Kickstarter has its downsides. First off, if you overstate your goal and don’t make it, you get NOTHING. Let’s say this: You put your goal at 1,000 dollars. You manage to get about 800 pledged and reasonably, you can get your project made with that amount of money. But because you don’t make the 1k in time, you get nothing. In order to ensure that you get SOME money, you likely have to understate your budget.

In addition, depending on the project/budget, that 1000 dollars is subject from anywhere to 8-10% in fees (5% to Kickstarter, 3-5% to Amazon.) Middlemen! There are additional sites with their own caveats, so pick and choose if you ever look towards the masses online to help fund you.

So Joel has his goal at 1000 dollars. He’s got six weeks to make 355 dollars in order to qualify for funding. He made it so that the smallest amount of books run off in this would be 50, at 20 bucks a pop. In addition to that basic pledge of 20, you get your book signed, a sticker AND a mix-CD from Joel himself. This is punk rock.

I’ll be plugging this for a while (over on Twitter and on the podcast) so if you want to stop hearing about this, donate and get your friends to donate. He only needs about 18 more people to buy the book and bam! Success.

Thursday are rough days. It’s not the middle, the beginning or even the end of the week. It’s the perfect time for feeling the blues.

Larry Thurston and Jeff Alexander reached out to GdL16 and let everyone here know of their song ‘Gravediggin’ Man.’ It’s a great tribute to all those who have felt so low, the floor was not low enough and they had to start digging.

Give the video below a play and if you like the song, do purchase a copy. It’s available on iTunes and on CDBaby.

I don’t like the work of Joss Whedon because I think his storytelling relies far too much on the complex, over-reaching ideas/ arcs than focusing on the basic principles. I think he values being clever more than being good.

Further research into Cabin In The Woods ultimately sank a prior post I had previously written, comparing it with The Hunger Games, detailing how the nameless, faceless government/industry/entertainment entity has taken over as the go-to antagonist. I even quoted Lovecraft, when he wrote “[t]he oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear, and the oldest and strongest kind of fear is fear of the unknown.” The internet has killed off a lot of unknown, though it hasn’t done much for ignorance. We know of a lot more and it’s far too easy for a lot of people to know of something or someone. Slashers came about with fear of strangers and that fear is still alive, but the product–specifically, antagonists with identifiable personalities–have gone out of style.

The more I don’t know about Whedon’s work, the less I loathe it. I was willing to write off Cabin In The Woods as another sci-fi fuckall that Whedon is known for doing. But I actually looked into the movie to see what it was about, and read an attributed quote on how “The things that [Joss doesn't] like are kids acting like idiots, the devolution of the horror movie into torture porn and into a long series of sadistic comeuppances. [co-writer Drew Goddard] and [Joss] both felt that the pendulum had swung a little too far in that direction.”

SHOCK! For a moment, I thought I agreed with Joss Whedon. Maybe I do?  But further reviews, specifically to those at Rotten Tomatoes, point out that yes, I can rest easy tonight. Joss Whedon Sucks A Big One.

Replace 'Andy Warhol' with your scornful artist of choice.

From the reviews, it sounds like it’s a bloated version of ‘Stay Tuned’ mixed with ‘Scream’ and the ‘Truman Show.’ Will the movie make money? It’ll make back its 30 million budget, sure. The sliver of the population who want to see a half-cast reunion of ‘Dollhouse’ will make sure of that. But if the movie changes the genre, I’ll be stunned by the lack of taste in all of you.

Instead of going on about this, I’m going to listen to LiveFastDie and wait until God Bless America comes out.

title of the collection Looking At The World With Broken Glass In My Eye by Mark Justice is all the preparation you need before you dive in, as it sets the tone as to the humor and horror of the stories published in this collection from Graveside Tales.

Mark Justice has a dark humor to him that really packs a punch. It helps him make his horror that more sinister, as there’s always an edge in every joke, a little bit of poison in every bit of hope that might possibly be found within this book of his.

There are entries in Looking… that don’t mask their nature of being straight-premise based works. These smaller pieces are the vaudeville hosts cracking jokes in between the bigger acts, the palate cleansers between meals so that the reader isn’t overwhelmed if they go at it for one setting. “What if Death had an Agent?” Mark Justice asks in ‘Agent of Death.’ “Or, what would happen if the mythological pantheon of gods were to retire?” he inquires in ‘Nursing Home of the Gods.’

These almost-micro-fiction stories are written with a more irreverent tone. This tone is the winking eye that clues you in, the way Justice says “we won’t get a lot of mileage out of this idea but let’s enjoy the ride while we can.” Justice could have overwritten these stories but instead, chose brevity. The shorter stories are also stages for Justice’s twisted sense of humor.

The longer stories are perfectly fit for Mark Justice’s perspective, as he comes up with characters, voices and ideas that flourish with the breathing room. While the genre of ‘occultism alternative WW2 history’ isn’t all that radically new, I think Justice could offer a great contribution to it if ‘Das Hollenfeuer’ is any indication. ‘Father’s Day’ had a great take on vengeance and anger, and ‘Song of the Bones’ is a legitimately creepy story, especially since I recently moved to a densely metropolitan area.

Mark Justice is a showman with his fiction. There’s a great deal of entertainment in Looking… and I think that any horror fan should definitely pick this up.

Three major works divide up the collection, though the ‘Deadnecks’ story, split into two sections, bookends the work. ‘Dead Town’ marks the middle with ‘The Autumn Man’ anchoring the tail end of Looking….  Two of the three are set in Justice’s native Kentucky and deal with a lot of the perceptions of the area. Justice has written a lot about that part of the world, which holds a lot of eldritch mysticism to it. While the instant connotation of the ‘south’ bring sup the characters you’d find in ‘Deadnecks,’ the story, a twist on the zombie holocaust trope, is oddly comedic and strangely heartwarming. Even though it’s a story about being zombies, Justice makes the characters and, essentially, rednecks seem very human.

The differences between the nature of the supernatural in the other two stories – ‘Dead Town’ and ‘The Autumn Man’ –were stark and displayed how Justice has tried to expand himself as a writer. ‘Dead Town’ reads, to me, as a very urban, horrifyingly cold take on the world. It’s all buildings and concrete, whereas ‘The Autumn Man’ is very—surprise, surprise—nature, very wet, very alive.

While he maintains a signature voice when it comes to humor, drama and bleak terror, the stories in this collection are not repetitive. There is a great amount of variety here that whoever picks it up will find something to enjoy in Looking At The World With Broken Glass In My Eye. I definitely recommend it.

Mark Justice (with David T Wilbanks) has written two books in The Dead Earth series: The Green Dawn and The Vengeance Road. His forthcoming 2012 release is the western horror, The Dead Sherriff. You can hear Mark Justice on the horror literature podcast, Pod of Horror.

Thanks are given to Graveside Tales for providing the review copy. 

Labretta Suede & the Motel 6

Labretta Suede and the Motel 6, Dumb & Dirty
Official Site 

Let’s face it – there’s a widespread pandemic of men not having any game anymore. I liken it to the advent of modern video gaming, funny enough, most notably with the introduction of the X-Box. Gaming became less an outlet of gamers and nerds and something far more accessible to a greater population of men and women. Listen to me pontificate my theory – the growth of the X-Box/PS2 industry, in my theory, exasperated a growing problem of DUDES NOT KNOWING HOW TO TALK TO WOMEN and even worse, making dudes unlearn what they little they already knew. And yes – it’s true, ladies – dudes do not know how to fuck anymore.

I think Dumb & Dirty might be a way to save the X-Box generation from its perpetual kidulthood* and finally get most of my dying generation to grow up.

Right off the back, I noticed that Dumb & Dirty successfully avoids the contrived journalistic idea of a “sophomore curse,” that idea that the second album often sucks after a really great debut. I noticed that it AVOIDED this curse because it doesn’t exist. This idea is something Rolling Stone invented. It’s not real. The “sophomore curse” is really the audience waking up from the stupor that had them fooling thinking that Julien Casablancas WASN’T a piece of shit, or that The Hives weren’t a bad idea.

Labretta Suede and the Motel 6 have never been misleading in presenting themselves. They’ve only gotten better at refining the message and this makes them dangerous because if they were ever to take to a national stage, we’d be powerless to stop them. They are unadulterated sex and might possibly take you to bed with them if time permits. This is a band that will fuck the world and be great in the sack. They aren’t about ‘making love,’ but about getting down, dumb and dirty. If I were to find out that everything they’ve done has been an act, I’d be gobsmacked at how good they were at lying. I don’t think they’re lying, though. After listening to sick songs like “Thickened Sludge,” “You & Me,” and “All Girl Gang Riot,” I can’t see them not being 100% earnest and forthright about their attitudes on rock, life, sex and everything else. It seems like you can’t make this kind of music if you don’t believe in it completely.

This is a fantastic album. It even made me forgive them for choosing the unfortunate subject of “Gary Glitter,” what with the man’s widespread pedophilia. Hearing “My Boyfriend thinks he’s Gary Glitter” sung by the sultry sound of Labretta Suede’s voice makes me slightly worry for any young boys in the audience. Of course, the song is less about Labretta’s beau making a trip to Thailand but instead, taking her shoes and lipstick and picking glam over punk rock. If the song was bad, I would feel easier to cast a discouraging eye but the truth is, it’s catchy as hell! And that makes me forgive them.

All throughout the album, the music is fun. While maintaining its signature sound, Labretta Suede and the Motel 6 branch out with different hues of their music chromatic key. “Beach Party Town” lets Johnny Moondog out to play in the surf with his guitar while the album closing opus of “Priscilla The Monkey Girl” is a noir-ish tale that fills your ear with dark smoke, red lipstick and intrigue. The whole band is really tight, incredible considering they straddle the two hemispheres. As the band is based both in Brooklyn, NY and Auckland, New Zealand, the rhythm section for Dumb & Dirty is split between the two countries. Seaon ‘Connel and Max Speed $1000 are the Americans, while Jay L Yodanovich and Bumpo Kemp bring pride to New Zealand. There isn’t a point where one aspect is off or overwhelming. It’s amazing to have six people contribute to reach a perfect parity and they did it.

If ascending into a dictatorship over the land, I would have this album be installed as part of the sex education curriculum in our nation’s schools. And Al Greene.  Don’t hold me on this because I haven’t conducted enough tests yet, but I think Dirty & Dumb made me better in bed from just listening to it.

I write to you from the perspective of not having seen them in concert. This is good for having not prior documenting me before exposure to the band firsthand, I can offer this proof of how I was before my life changed. Because, after seeing them, I know my life will be altered. Firsthand exposure to such mind altering perspectives and landscapes of Labretta Suede and the Motel 6 will rearrange a person’s priorities, lessening the emphasis on a guy’s Achievements and more on being a man of a physical world. Dirty & Dumb is a record that makes you want to run, jump, scream and feel the weight of gravity. It’s a record that makes you want to sweat, to feel your heart beat, to know the excitement that comes when talking to an attractive stranger. It’s the record that will steer people away from the immaterial and the electronic and more to the physical and local. It’s fucking awesome and you should go get it right now.

*trademark Lima Whiskey

Earlier, I spoke about and tried half of the bottles included in the package from HauntedHotsauce.com. I spoke of Mortician Mold’s resurrection powers and how Fleshfeast should be a staple of your fridge. They are perfect entries for those who are looking to try hotsauce other than the typically generic brands on the shelf at your local grocer or bodega.

For the more advanced, we have two entries on the high end of the HauntedHotsauce.com heat index. At first I thought I would save them for a special occasion but since every day above ground is one worth for celebration, I busted them out this past Sunday and had a go.

Doyle Wolfgang Von Frankenstein’s Made In Hell Hot Sauce

For those of you not familiar, Doyle was a member of the Misfits lineup, back in the eighties when it involved Glen Danzig up all the way up until the Michael Graves years. I think he might have been with the band when it toured with Jerry Only, Doyle’s real brother, and Robo on drums. Doyle and wife Gorgeous George are a part of the musical entity Gorgeous Frankenstein, who will be releasing a new album this year.

Working with HauntedHotsauce, Doyle’s Made In Hell sauce is the second hottest product available from Haunted Hotsauce. What I noticed that among the four bottles I have, Made In Hell utilized black pepper the most and it can be tasted. Made In Hell has one of the most distinct personalities of any sauce I have ever tasted up to this point in my life.  Listed as a Louisiana “Cajun-style” hotsauce, I can definite see this being applied to seafood and chicken in a great marinade. It makes me hungry just thinking about it.

Heatwise, it definitely packs a punch. The deep flavor of the cracked black pepper and cayenne definitely gives it a kick. I only tried a little and will be careful when using it to cook in the future.

Moreso, I will be ginger when using the Hell Razor.

Hell Razor Habanero

The hottest product available on HauntedHotsauce.com, it took a good couple of pints of milk to finally cool myself down. The heat definitely stayed with me after I tried this. Definitely not fooling around, this habanero sauce is not to be taken lightly. It took only a few drops to liven up a taco and when I brew up some chili in a week, it’ll take just a few to make the batch a good one.

The best thing is that never did my mouth die from the spice. Even at the peak of the “burn,” I still could taste. This wasn’t a sauce that was aiming to kill me in some show of bravado. It was confident in its ability. This is spicy, no doubt, but it didn’t sacrifice the flavor for some dragon’s breath boast. There are sauces on the market that I won’t try because it’s evident that the creator didn’t care for making an enjoyable experience – they only wanted to have some big ego in saying they made a sauce that’s so hot, it’ll cause a cardiac arrest.

There’s also a point to that which I think Victor “The Undertaker” Ives of Haunted Hotsauce gets, and it becomes a reason why Haunted Hotsauce is the ideal product for any self-respecting horror fan.

Those who don’t get horror think that the genre and its supporters are enthusiastic for mindless gore, foaming at the prospect to witness celluloid carnage. In those who don’t get it, the great misconception is that a horror movie fan’s greatest delight is seeing buxom women getting carved up in graphic displays of violence that stain the screen red and leave a murder trail a mile long.

The truth is, yeah. Horror fans enjoy gore, violence and murderous freaks. But, we’re not uncouth. Quite.

What most people fail to get when they don’t understand horror is that it’s as much about restraint as it is about excess. The less you see, the more you have to fill in with your imagination. Horror is a complement to a person’s mind, not filler for it. And the gore was not without reason. Even the grindiest of grindhouse movies knew to include a plot (though it could be argued that grindhouse as a genre is the overloading of senses to eliminate thinking altogether, that “the road of excess leads to the palace of wisdom.” It’s another argument for another time.) Horror should complement, never supplant, the fan’s intelligence or imagination.

If it was possible to quantify experiences, then the makers of Haunted Hotsauce know their audience well. They have successfully captured the horror mentality with their product. As they sought to create tasty sauces that make great additions to your daily palate, they managed to create what a horror movie might actually taste like. The strength of the spice in Hell Razor Habanero and Made In Hell sauce is potent, and it will stay with you long after the bite. But never does it overpower the senses. It’s not gratuitous. There is no spice-for-the-sake-of-being-spicy here. I was really impressed.

These products get my highest recommendation and I hope to purchase them for my friends and family for Christmas (spoiler alert to any of them who are reading this.) Head on over to HauntedHotsauce.com now and purchase a bottle. You won’t regret it.

Bonus: Here’s horror hostesses Marlene Midnite and Robyn Graves (of Midnite Mausoleum) in the commercial they made for Haunted Hotsauce.com

Been noticing that a lot of the images, carry-overs from out tenure on the gravediggerslocal.blogspot.com account, have turned up dead. A lot of the Tuesday uEtsy features of old are screwed up. I’ve been talking with the Front Office and we’ll have things fixed by April. So if you come across a post a year or two old and there’s a huge EXCLAMATION POINT!, we know about it. It should be fixed by next month (and that, once again, being April.)

The psychobilly pompadour is a distinct hairstyle, rising from the swamps of the punk rock Mohawk/Mohican to mate with the undead bride of the 1950’s greaser curl to produce an iconic look with variation. Usually the forward spike that defies gravity and, depending on how dedicated the psycho cat it, it could be anywhere from a few inches to a full foot in height.

Keeping such a look must be hell, especially with all the products out there. I’ve never rocked anything near what the most extravagant psychos or punks have presented, but I have gone through a cavalcade of creams, sprays, waxes and gels. Some of them were rancid oil products that could double as napalm. Others were goopy and amorphous, like they could really ruin Steve McQueen’s night.

You don’t want to be putting crap in your hair. No glue. Nothing that seems like it could double as axle grease. You want to stick to all natural and high quality. Ergo, the multi-purpose Putrescence from Grave Robbers Union Local 666.

This week’s Tuesday uEtsy put GRUL666 in the spotlight and they were very kind to provide a 1.oz tin of their new product. It’s a mix of “Microcrystalline wax, Beeswax, Olive Oil, Coconut Oil, and Cinnamon/Clove Essential oils.”  If you can both count the ingredients on both hands AND easily pronounce them, you know the product’s a winner. And Putrescence is a winner.

The scent is a joy, a subtle brush of cinnamon mixed with the coconut that is inviting, not off-putting. One of the purposes advertised is as a cologne/perfume and I’m pretty sure I got asked out for drinks by three different women after I dabbed a bit on of Putrescence on my skin. And I was still in my bathroom, so you know it’s powerful (but not overpowering.)

The oils involved in the product are good for dried skin. I tried it on my hands and it seemed to relieve the sting of the winter’s cold. It works as well as a lip balm. If you’re getting ready for a noontime meal or a midnight kiss, you want to have some life in your lips and Putrescence brings them back from the dead.

But the primary selling point is as a hair product and I can tell you that it’s great. You only need a little bit to get your hair to stand straight up – this is maximum hold. It’ll have your hair standing on end like you’ve seen a ghost and after a nice wash, back to normal. It’s mostly natural, even if the people who make it aren’t. Your hair smells like a sandlewood coffin and your hair has the hold of a vampire’s spell.

Currently, the 1.oz variety, good for those who want to carry it around with them in their pockets or bags, runs for $4.25 + $4 shipping.  And we’re proud to share the announcement that GRUL666 has just added a compact for inclusion with all orders of 3 oz tins. You’ll get a compact mirror with your Putrescence tin for cheaper price than just for a competing hair product. A very good deal and you’re supporting a small business.

If you want all natural, if you want a bargain and if you want a great product that makes you feel, look and smell good, then you definitely want Putrescence.

EDIT: an earlier version of this post claimed that Putrescence was 100% natural, but Grue of GRUL666 informed me that due to the Microcrystalline wax, a petroleum product, they can’t make the claim. However, he did say that they’re switching over to soy wax from bees wax so the product will be vegan-safe. I still stand by the product’s effectiveness to sooth cracked skin and mold your hair.

After the Undertaker of HauntedHotsauce.com stopped by for his edition of ‘A Handful of Dirt,’ I decided to try out some of the items available at HauntedHotsauce.com.

If ever I am to find a wife, have a kid and somehow raise them right that they make it to college, one of the fist bits of passing advice I will provide is that “hot sauce makes most bland shit palatable.” It’s true. During the tenure of tortilla trips and microwaved ramen noodles, the application of the concoction made life a little bit more interesting. When living in my first apartment and I needed to make a batch of Kraft mac & cheese, a few shakes made it seems for a moment that I wasn’t eating highly processed wheat detritus.

I didn’t grow up in a highly cultured environment, menu wise. That was not a fault of the family, mind you. Simply put, the backwoods of where I developed didn’t have a wide cuisine available.  A google search showed that only recently did an Indian restaurant open up in a neighboring town. It didn’t help that the Strange household wasn’t that rich. Iceberg lettuce and Chef Boyardee was more of an economic choice than one of taste. After relocating to the backwoods from the desert, we carried over a love of broke-southwest cooking so hotsauce became a staple. The poison of choice was Arizona Gunslinger for the longest time, though the Father Strange has, as of last switched over to Two Flaming Arrows. And now, I think I’ll make the transition over to one of Haunted Hotsauce’s trademark products.

(click for bigger)

I have to say that on presentation alone, Haunted Hotsauce has earned my business. When I retrieved the package from the local Post Office, I was treated to the above selection of four sauces, a roll of parchment with a special proclamation, some eyeball bubblegum and other delights in the packaging that made me smile. And I didn’t order the advance packaging, which comes in a handmade wooden casket (with includes mausoleum moss and maggots!)

I ordered a bottle of Mortician’s Mold and Fleshfeast 1, since they’re towards the lower end of the heat scale. I’m not someone who looks to eat the hottest stuff alive in suicide-by-food attempts with shit that is on parr with pepper spray. Seriously, I don’t understand why people keep breeding these insanity peppers, especially since the latest round of ‘hot peppers that kill’ have come from lily white Europeans. I’m comfortable with myself that I don’t need to inflict neurological damage when trying to eat a taco. Dummkopf.

The Undertaker, probably looking for a new client, included a bottle of Doyle’s Made In Hell and what I can only assume is a lifetime’s supply of Hell Razor, the hottest product available on HauntedHotsauce.com. A hearty thanks goes out for these two bottles, though at this point I haven’t opened them because I had no milk in the home. Once procuring a couple gallons or so, I will crack the bottle open on them and follow up this review. If I knock up the aforementioned hypothetical wife with that hypothetical child, I don’t have a bottle of champagne (‘popping corks,’ indeed) but I do have these bottles of hotsauce for a special occasion. Until then, Doyle Von Frankenstein continues to stare at me, daring me.

Click for bigger

Each of the products from Haunted Hotsauce, save the Doyle sauce, came with a toe-tag and a death shroud. It’s a lovely touch that, even if you don’t opt for the handmade coffin, makes each bottle a gift and an experience. Plus, when you’re opening up a new bottle for the first time, it’s kind of cool to think that you’re getting closer to death. Or, it’s terribly frightening. Either or.

The least hot item available is RottingFleshRadio.com’s Mortician’s Mold, which is pretty misleading since the damn sauce carries a kick to it. This isn’t weak, but it won’t kill you immediately.

Take a look at this picture:

Click for bigger

This stuff is GREEN and it’s not due to some artificial coloring and flavors. ALL NATURAL INGREDIENTS so this is pure damn green hell here. Now, if you can see those bits of darker spots? Flavor. You can tell with all the sauces, even just by looking at them through the bottle, that this is some quality food product full of robust flavor. I’m not bullshitting you.

See, when running out of some decent hot sauce, I’ve relied a lot on Texas Pete’s pepper sauce. Pepper Sauce, much like Tabasco, is vinegar with flavor. A lot of cheap-ass brands of ‘hot sauce’ list Tabasco as an ingredient. That’s kind of an indicator that someone skipped out on the quality. Not so with the Haunted Hotsauce. The Mortician’s Mold is a full flavored sauce. Very tasty. It’s not just jalapeno, as I could taste the garlic and onion. It’s a good blend and has some magical powers. No fooling – I screwed up some chili by adding more meat than expected, creating a sloggy stew. Some dash of the Mortician’s Mold brought that meal back from the dead.

Flavor over fire, any day.

Click For Bigger

The original sauce that sprung the whole business, Fleshfeast, is cayenne based whereas Mortician’s Mold is jalapeno. The taste is different, of course, but the effect is similar – a robust flavor that has a strong kick that doesn’t overwhelm. There are two higher levels – Fleshfeast 2 and Fleshfeast 3 – that are higher in the heat index. But the basic level here that I tasted was strong enough to smart. But there wasn’t a bad aftertaste by those who rely heavily on vinegar or have a bad mix of ingredients. This was a tasty sauce, great for everyday use. I’ve busted it out on popcorn and the thickness of the sauce makes it look like the snack is splattered in blood. Very appropriate and delicious.

This is my new go-to hotsauce. It’s a great mix of flavor and heat that make life much better.

Head over to HauntedHotsauce.com and pick up a couple bottles for yourself. It’s a not a huge conglomerate but a very small business that I’m happy to support. If you’re throwing a party, these are great condiments to have and double-so if you’re a horror fiend. Do it. You won’t regret it.

Thanks goes out again for the additional review bottles of Doyle’s Made In Hell and Hell Razor. Look for a comprehensive review of the two later sauces probably sometime around Monday, February 27th. That’s if, y’know, I’m still alive by then. 

Bradley Tatum
It’s a Beautiful World

Official Site

If thirteen random songs were picked from thirteen random CDs off of the thirteen (in reality, ten) shelves I have in my library, the album compiled together would be, odds on, a good representation of my musical interests. It wouldn’t be a complete picture and the styles and genres contained within this mix would range from one type to another. The same can be said of most anyone, though some people are more specialized than others. Mostly, I imagine that everyone had a diverse ear and that to assume that one person is straight up a single genre does them a great injustice.

Ergo, what happens when someone makes an album that can accurately represent them? A good answer to that question would be Bradley Tatum’s It’s a Beautiful World. Contained in this collection of songs is music ranging from punk to electronic, industrial to elegant Victorian arrangements to goth dance rave fantastico.

The album starts off with “Under The Storm Clouds,” a throwback to the 90′s goth-techno familiar to fans of VNV Nation, before shifting into a subtle electronica-versus-metal guitar track entitled “The Others.” The electronic is flavored with the 90s boon in the genre, but to confuse this for a straight up electric record would be a grave misunderstanding.

Bradley Tatum is the creator of the horror-punk label, Blood and Guts Records. But since closing the label to work as a creator and not just an overseer of other band’s music, Tatum has allowed his interests to flourish and experiment. The result is a body of work that frankensteins the many aspects of a life deeply involved in horror-music.

The industrial-goth influence of the 90’s is felt throughout the album, though it’s less thrash and more dance. It’s hard to peg it down. A remix of “The Others” might be in your next goth club DJ’s rotation, the Baroque “Midgaard celebration” might be played at a Steampunk convention. In addition, the title track is an elegantly arranged electronic piece that might have been out of the seventies. It’s what Devo would have sounded like if Lou Reed joined DEVO right away instead of forming the Velvet Underground.

The influence of publishing and distributing bands like Serpenteen, Casket Casey and Rival Skulls is seen on “The Human Experiment,” which is a horror punk song fueled by a butcher knife-guitar. “They’re Drawn To You” is a classic rock song in the purest, almost Ramonesque 50’s style influenced punk. It’s followed by one of the many instrumental songs on the album, the metal anthem “Raiders.”

I can see someone having a problem with the variety of It’s A Beautiful World, as the shift between guitar and electronic can be jarring for some people. It’s an album mixed, with melodic strumming bleeding from one track into another, while mechanical beats shift, pause and start up again. If one picks this up expecting one type of music from start to finish, they will be surprised.

You’ll be surprised when you listen to it because you’ll find that you like at least one song. Then, you’ll hear aspects of it in another and sooner than later, you’ll find that all music is related. Bradley Tatum has shown you the way and you will be forever in his debt.

Frankenstein
IMDB

Seeing Frankenstein is akin to seeing The Godfather, listening to The Beatles or seeing Hamlet on the stage. These are all the pieces of art that you’re TOLD are great that the priority to actually ENGAGE them is diminished. As a mental deviant, the ‘classics’ were always ‘uncool’ to me. The guy repping the Beatles in High School was as much as part of THE ESTABLISHMENT that it felt kind of dumb to fall in line. I always liked to champion those who don’t have a lot of people backing them up. It’s less “rooting for the underdog” and more “fighting for the freaks.”

With that said, I had not seen Frankenstein until a week and a half ago. Did I hate it? No. Is it great? Yes. Would someone who enjoys slashers like it? Don’t know but probably not.

It’s not a slow film, by any stretch. The pacing was refreshing but I can see how anyone under the age of 35 might get bored by it. It’s easy to follow. It’s beautifully shot. But the engagement is only skin deep. Mentally, we’re well acquainted with the idea of “a monster that isn’t pure evil” or “the good people are really doing bad things.” This is a common trope in comic books, cartoon shows and video games. However, eighty years ago, I can see how the portrayal of The Creature was somewhat innovating.

(more…)